I asked... When do I receive?

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" Matthew 7:7

Isn't that the nice warm fuzzy verse we all love to read? It sounds like all we have to do is ask and it will be given to me. What a great idea, ask and I get what I want. Well let me burst your warm bubble (and mine!), it hasn't worked for me. I have asked for lots of things... lots and lots of things but I haven't received them. So is Jesus a liar? 

The answer is no, heck no to be more specific. I came across this verse today and was in tears because finally I see where I am going wrong... 

"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you spend what you get on your pleasures. James 4:3

Ouch. That one hit me right between the eyes. I ask ALL.THE.TIME. but Jesus knows my heart and does not give me what I ask for because I am asking with a jealous, angry, bitter, ect. heart. I am not asking for something with the intention of giving God all of the glory. It normally is opposite of that for me, I am asking to better benefit me, myself and I.

For example, I have been asking God to give me and my fellow Christian co-workers a more kind, tender-hearted, positive attitude. Why? Frankly, so I enjoy coming to work in the morning, so I don't dread dealing with difficult people, so I can have a cozy office life with no problems. Why hasn't God given me what I want? Maybe because I am making it all about me  probably... no definitely because I am making it all about me. What in my prayer instead was "God when I see darkness or poor attitudes in the office, give me the words to say to point them to You. Let me be a witness for You and make it about you instead of about me" I am guessing it would change things where I work and give God the glory instead of myself an easier day.  

I am not sure what you are asking for, maybe a wife or husband, more money, peace in your family. or health for loved ones, a better job, a happier work environment  or normalcy in a busy life? Instead of asking so it's all about you, maybe it's time to refocus our thoughts and heart to make it all about God.

Maybe if we asked with the right motives (which requires a true heart change) God would give us what we really want. After all, God wants to give us gifts and give us what we ask for...

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Two years, 100 More to Go!

It's been two years since our wedding day. I can't believe it. Some days it feels like we have been married for 50 years, other days it seems like I just woke up to my new husband. Marriage was the best decision that I made in my life. 

I love this man. I love the family we are building. I love our every days together and the moments we spend giggling over a commercial. I love football games snuggled on the couch and late night talks while watching re-runs of our favorite shows. I love that I get to call him mine. I love that I have his last name. I love how leads our family. I love his heart for the least of these. I love how hard he works for our family. Truthfully, I am madly in love with Roger. I never thought that our marriage would be this good and this strong. I know tough times will come but we will be together and that is the greatest thing in the world. 

I cannot wait to see what the future holds. Happy Anniversary, Roger. Here's to 100 more years of marriage!! 

My favorite wedding photo of all time!!

New Winds.

Bear with me as I stumble through this blog post, I have so many thoughts and cannot seem to string them together ...

I am thankful for a church that preaches the gospel. A pastor who is not afraid to stand up and say things like as wonderful as animals are, they will not get into heaven. And we can spend hours fighting for proper education for our children but a well-educated man will still spend eternity in hell. Death is 100% certain so why do we spend our time on things that are not furthering eternity instead of pouring our lives into people?

I am thankful for a friend who let me borrow her copy of "Interrupted" which shows a God-centered journey of a family pouring their life into social justice, caring for the poor, loving the homeless and being a barefoot church. I am thankful for the the truth it is speaking into my heart. I am thankful to not be alone when I struggle with a grace-filled life versus a legalistic life.

I am thankful for my husband who graciously empty out his wallet to Linda, a lady who spends her days on the street corner where he works. I am thankful to have shook hands with her while the cars behind us were growing angry. I am thankful that she knew Roger's name when she walked over to us, and how sincere she said "God Bless you both" while I held back tears thinking "No, God bless you for what you just did for me. I was shocked to hear my sweet husband recite details of Linda's life, things he learned when he was walking back and forth to work without a car. I was humbled when I learned he had driven her to her motel miles away one night so she didn't have to take the bus.

I am thankful for Christ opening up my eyes and letting me see the needs of others. For so long I felt as if I were missing something. You know going through the motions, sitting in the same spot every Sunday, having the same conversations with the same people who are doing nothing... missing it. I couldn't really believe that the life I was living was what God had called me to live.  I feel a new wind blowing through my life, I feel God as clear as I feel a hug from my husband. I know He is up to something more in my life. I could not be more excited and terrified at the same time. Maybe you are where I am?

"We can't ignore God's ways and expect to maintain His favor. We don't get to neglect the major values of the gospel and claim preference or context. The demands of church leadership- and, more importantly  of living our lives- never come with a permission slip to act contrary to our heritage in Christ." Jen Hatmaker

At the top

I am devouring Jen Hatmaker's book "Interrupted" I find that each page rings some truth in my life. I want to be very careful not to just read the chapter and move on, I want to apply what I am learning and do something. I think we as Christians are called to be much more than hearers of the Word but actually doers of the Word. (Don't amen me yet, have you actually read the Scriptures? Scary stuff in there)

Here's where my thoughts landed for the night:

"When Jesus said, 'It is easier fot a camal to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God' (Matthew 19:24), I now understand that's me. And you. The higher wer are, the harder it is to adopt the heart of Christ. I supposed that's why Americans are the richest people on the earth but plagued with depression  suicide  and loneliness  We're furthest from the freedom that exists only at the bottom, and that liberation money can't buy" Interrupted pg 68

For many years I think I have had this backwards, I strived for the top. You know what's at the top for me? Worry-free living with all the money I could imagine, money to provide me with a huge house with the latest stainless steel appliances, cars, easy living, and a perfect master bedroom. A perfect stress free job where I look forward to waking up to. Oh and the perfectly dressed children with the world's best manners. The easy Christian life where I go to church and never get plugged in or make a difference. Ahh yes, the top.

But is that really where it's at? Is the top what I am living for? Is the top my goal? I don't want it to be. I want it to be at the bottom where Christ is. He came into this world in a stable, He did not have riches beyond riches or a fancy house off in the country side. He was not best friends with people who had the nicest things. He surrounded Himself with the least of these. He walked among the ones I may pass by. He spent time with the widow, orphan, prostitute, homeless, blind, and cripple.  Luke 6:20 records "Blessed are the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of God" 

And yet, I have been working my way up the ladder to the top where Christ does not say blessed are the ones at the top, no, He says quite the opposite. Does it mean Roger and I are to give away all our money? Maybe. Does it mean we should take the less comfortable house so we can help someone else? Maybe. Does it mean giving up my Starbucks so I can turn that 4 bucks into a meal for the homeless shelter I could donate to? Not sure, but it could.

I am not trying to guilt anyone into anything or make you feel like your possessions are evil, I am trying to find the balance (if there is one!) about living on this earth, doing His work, and not trying to climb to the top. It's a rough road but then again whoever said the Christian life would be easy? 

Misdirected Passion

This may come as a surprise to some of you but I  love football. I mean LOVE, LOVE football... My husband tells me all the time that he created a monster. You see when we first started to date, I could care less about this sport. I did not get it and  actually found it rather boring. However, my husband's family really enjoys sports so every Sunday, I would spend the afternoon watching the game. I was kind of impressed at how much everyone knew about the game and how they could argue back and forth over a call or know when a little play-action was coming and yet there I sat in the dark. 

Well to impress my boyfriend at the time, I decided to read a book on football, I think it was called "Football for Dummies." The book really helped me grasp basic understanding of the game plus watching it every Sunday really helped. Naturally I chose to follow Roger and be a Green Bay Packer's fan. When I became a fan, Favre was retiring(ish) and Aaron Rodgers led us to a 6-8 season  (I believe) so I didn't fall in love instantly with the game. As time went on, I found myself talking about the game, asking questions, understanding rivals, momentarily cheering for the Giants, and listening to anyone who talked football. 

To get to my point, yesterday the Packer's were in a play off game. Play-offs are what get you to the super bowl and it is a big deal. Aaron Rodger's is a fantastic QB so I thought we had a chance, I had a knot in my stomach all day. I wore my green jersey during the day and wore my white jersey at night since that is what I wore all season. (Yup. Superstitious) We started off well with a Pick Six and then well we lost... big time! The other QB was better and scored a few touch downs on us and we couldn't come back. I got angry that we were losing and upset that our defense could do nothing against the other team. I was upset when I went to bed and needed to talk it out with Roger and try to figure out where we went wrong. Truth be told, I was a mess. 

However, today is a new day and as I sat in church I felt this tug on my heart as our Pastor taught me something new in the book of Acts, a book I have read a dozen times before. All I could think about was the fact that my passion seems misdirected. I literally felt terrible after we lost last night but I am not sure I have felt the same over sin in my life. I am not sure I could say that I understand the simple truths of the Bible. I know I do not find myself talking about Christ as I go through my day or actively look for people who are. Sure I am passionate about somethings in the Bible but I am not as passionate as I should be. I could truly rejoice with those who are rejoicing over a victory over sin or I could fill my brain with verses instead of football knowledge.

Today I was reminded of the fact that I fill my time and energy with what is important to me. It could be organizing, football, reading or cleaning whatever it is, the Word of God seems to come second. I spend more time making sure I understand what is going on in the NFL than opening up the Scriptures. This has to change and not just because the Packers are riding the bench until next year, I mean really a heart change must happen and I honestly pray that it does. I want to be known as a follower of Christ not known by my hobbies or interests.

Just to challenge you, what in your life are you more passionate about than God?

Oh So Good

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish, you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God. I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of your works. " Psalm 73:26-28 ESV

As I was working through the Bible study that I am doing with one of my best friends, Chelsea, I came across the above verses. I read them and re-read them. For some reason they really hit me today and I am not sure why. Here are my quick observations about the Scripture:

• My heart and flesh fail all.the.time.
•  I do not have to try alone, God is the strength of my heart and He is enough for me
• Christ is my portion forever. I do not need to want for more
• If I am far from Christ (not saved I am assuming) I would perish
• Christ puts an end to everyone who is unfaithful to Him. Everyone who is unfaithful. Strong words!
• It is good, oh so good, for me to near God
• The Lord is my refuge, my safe place in times of uncertainty
• Because of His greatness, I tell of His works

I know that God reveals certain passages of Scripture to us just at the right times. For me, this was that Scripture. I am failing, daily I am failing and for some reason I feel the need to battle alone, to go to work against Satan alone. I do not have to battle alone, God is my strength and He is enough for me. Many times I look for God + something, I struggle with God being enough for me but He should be enough, right? If God took everything away from me, would I still praise His name? Would I call Him good? Would I say He is enough for me? I doubt it and that is my flesh failing and that is why I pour myself into the Scripture to be taught that He is enough for me. If I am unfaithful to Christ, He will put an end to me. Sometimes I imagine that God is this guy who is like "Oh, you messed up? Better luck next time" and pats me on my back and sends me off. It doesn't sound like that from this passage. It sounds like if I am unfaithful, He will put an end to us. I believe in grace, trust me but I also believe that I cannot read Scripture and see the words and do the opposite. I believe Christ demands obedience from me and not some half-hearted, water-down Christianity.  That is why it is so good to be near God. The more I allow the Word of God to change my heart, the more God teaches me it is good to be near Him. And because I believe it is good for me to be near him, I will tell of His works, His Grace, His Forgiveness and His love!

I just think it is so ironic that the very issues I am struggling with are addressed right in these few verses. God knows what He is doing. He constantly shows me that He knows what He is doing. I just need to trust Him. 

His Perfect Timing

Today our Pastor, Scott, challenged us with the fact that God's timing is perfect. It is perfect during all circumstances, every day, every minute, and every area of our life. He asked if we really believed that? Do we really believe that His timing is perfect? Honestly, my first thought is no, it is not perfect. If it were perfect then so many things in my life would be different. My husband's family would be back together, my college loans wouldn't have snuck up on us, people that I love wouldn't be hurting, and certain boy in ET would have more than he needed instead of selling gum on the side of the road. No God's timing is not perfect. But then Scott said, is perfect supposed to mean good? You see all of these earthly things that I need fixed so that my life would be "perfect" aren't necessarily the same as God's perfect timing.

You see, I think that the things I need corrected in my life would make God's plan for me perfect and it would enhance His perfect timing, but as our pastor reminded us, my way is not His way. For whatever reason, God has chosen not to reveal His plan to this control freak. His thoughts are better than my thoughts (as hard as that is swallow) and here is the proof:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" Isaiah 55:8-9

I cannot even begin to imagine His thoughts because He is God and I am not. I think in my little brain that I have life figured out and that all these bad things should not happen but what in the world do I know? I mean seriously I was not there when God created the world, I do not command the waves to stop, nor do I know what tomorrow holds so I do not know His ways nor His thoughts. What I do hold to is that God has my best interest in mind; He loves me, He is gracious towards me, and He knows the perfect timing on my life.

I am thankful for the reminder today of His perfect timing. I do struggle with believing that God's timing is perfect but I believe that is apart of my journey and my story. Every opportunity in my life good or bad is an opportunity to direct glory to God.

And the other truth is that throughout different situations in my life, one thing always remains and that is God's love. I absolutely love the song that I have shown below, it really moves me and reminds me that while I am going through God's perfect timing (good or bad) His love remains. And that is the truth my friends. His love remains. Amen right?