Christmas 2010

Christmas has come on gone but I will not forget the events of this year.

If you read my previous post you know that Christmas always brings on mixed emotions for me. What I didn't know is how many mixed emotions I would really be feeling this year. My mom called me a few days before Christmas and informed me that she would like to do Christmas on Christmas Eve with my brothers. She said that way I can stay with Roger on Christmas. She really wanted all of us there for Christmas. I happily agreed. I then called Roger and began to cry uncontrollably. My mom had changed Christmas. This was my last Christmas before I was married and now I couldn't spend it with my family. I was devastated. I cried and cried for days. All of the things that I look forward to were gone.

As I drove to my moms, I wasn't sure how this would all work out. My brother and sister-in-law came from California. My little brother and his girlfriend were there and so was my sweet love. We spent an entire afternoon together. I laughed with my brothers. I enjoyed their company. We opened gifts and enjoyed every moment together. My sweet brother and sister got me a picture from their wedding. It is a picture of me hugging my brother and my eyes are closed and he is hugging me back. I cried when I opened it. It was the most thoughtful gift I could have ever received. They knew just what I wanted and I couldn't be happier. We said our goodbyes and left my mom in tears. She was happy to have everyone there but sad to see us all leave. As we drove away, I silently cried. It was so hard to leave my mom. It was so hard to not do the things that we normally do. My mom even informed me that my youngest brother cried after we left too. It was just different but it was perfect.

From my mom's we went to Roger's family. Being with the Roses is something that I truly cherish. I love being apart of another family. I love being able to hang out and laugh with a group of people that I love so much. I loved being there with them on Christmas. They do Christmas late and do I mean late! 8:30AM!! At my house, we are done by 7AM! When I came out of my room on Christmas morning, Roger's dad was making muffins for us. It is not something you see everyday! Little did we know, he would forget they were in the oven and they would burn. It would make for great laughs later on though. We opened presents with everyone there, including Roger's grandpa. It was fun to see the excitement on their faces as they opened their favorite gifts. I have such a good relationship with everyone. Christmas was different at their house but I truly did enjoy it. I can't ask for better in-laws! And I just love my new brothers to pieces. God has truly taken me out of a broken home into just the home I needed. He has blessed me beyond words. He is what Christmas is all about. I hope when I look back to Christmas 2010 I will remember what He did in my life.

Christmas

Christmas has always held a special time in my heart...

The memories that I have shared with my brothers are priceless...

The times I have crawled into my mother's bed and just talked is so meaningful...

I will always remember not waking up my youngest brother so my middle brother and I could sneak up and look at all the presents without getting caught...

I will always remember making sure the coffee was made before we were allowed to wake up my mom...

I will always remember the first Christmas that we didn't get to spend with my brother due to the Air Force...

I will always remember the emptiness that even now I still feel towards this holiday...

I will always remember this Christmas, as it is the last Christmas before I am married...

{Sigh}

It is the last Christmas that I will spend with my family before I am married. I have mixed emotions. I am not sure how to bring our two world's together to make our Christmas special. I am not sure how I will feel when my mom isn't there to hand us our presents. I am not sure how Roger will feel with his brothers not by his side. It is the uncertain of it all that scares me the most. On the other hand, I am ecstatic to make our own traditions. Will we have a special breakfast? Will we read the Christmas story together? Will we hide our stockings? I am ready to make Christmas our own next year. I am ready to make it feel special. I am ready to feel like a family.

Christmas will always hold a special place in my heart and I cannot wait to see what memories I tuck away this year and for the years to come.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Happy Birthday, Savior!!

In Control

The semester is over and I have found myself with some free time so I picked up the Beth Moore book that my sweet friend, Tiffany gave me. I am still reading the book and today it really convicted me. Let me share a section that I just read...

"People who are chronically insecure {that's me} often have an overwhelming tendency to become control freaks. Upon serious consideration, that inclination makes perfect sense. We feel more secure when our environment is in control, and since no one is able to control it to our satisfaction, we decide we have to do it ourselves. If someone who do it and do it right, we wouldn't have to take over, so its not really our fault, we reason. It's our responsibility."

Right to my heart. It's like Beth stepped into my life and documented every minute of it. I am a control freak. Did I just admit that? I mean to a point that it is sinful. I feel all of this extra pressure because I have to do it right and I have to do it right then.

I have been stuck in the huddle. I know that I am a control freak but how do I release the grip on my life? It's easier said than done. I will start by honestly praying to the Lord who is in control of my life to change me. I need to change. I need to get out there and start the fight to end this war in my life.

Pray for me?

Stuck in the Huddle

I sat in Sunday School this morning not sure what I was going to "get out of it." I always seem to have this attitude that I cannot be taught, however, I was amazed at what I actually learned. At the end of our class, our teacher, showed us this video and it was just what I needed to hear.

The basic idea is this...

Think of your favorite football team. The quarter back calls everyone together and gives out the next play. They all call break and walk to the bench and sit there. A few minutes later, they come back and do the same thing again. They never actually play out the play that was called.

This is so much like our Christian life. Daily, we read instructions from the Bible, our playbook. We stand together in church, sunday school, or the like, hear the play and then "break." Instead of us living out the life changing truths that we have just heard, we go and sit on the bench. We come together in a week and do the same thing. Again and again we do this.We seem to never live out the playbook.

This is where I am. I go to church, I soak in what I need to and that's the end of it. I am sick of living this way. I am sick of hearing God's truths and turning my head the other way. It's not the kind of relationship I want with my Savior.

Is it the kind you want with your Savior?