Goodbye 2011

It's time to say goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012. Tonight my hubby and I are rolling in the new year with my best friend and her hubby!

So much has happened this past year. I thank God for everything that He has put me through this year and where I am now. My life has drastically changed this year and honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way!

I pulled some pictures to highlight some of the events of 2011 that I will most remember. 

I graduated from Binghamton University with a Bachelor's in Accounting. 

My last name officially changed from "Brown" to "Rose" as I married the love of my life. 

My hubby and I ran away to Cabo for an amazing honeymoon. I ask Roger all the time to take me back! 

My very best friend also married the love of her life this year. I was completely honored to be in her wedding. 

 The day after Shannon's wedding, we packed all of our belongings into this tiny U-Haul and moved to North Carolina!

My hubby and I in front of our first apartment. Together <3 

 My mom and her boyfriend visited us this summer as well. I have to admit that I love my relationship with my mom. I wish she would just move in next to me!! 

 Roger and I made a special trip to the beach right after we moved in. I love living so close to the ocean. 

 We hosted Thanksgiving this past year. We fit 10 people into our tiny apartment but it was well worth it!

 I was able to meet my newest nephew, Dawson. What a complete blessing he is to me. Actually, his whole family is a blessing with me. I love the time that I was able to spend with Dave and Jeanne. 

 We were also able to make a trip home for Christmas. My adorable baby brother has grown up so much.   I was able to visit with him and also talk to my brother who is serving overseas. 

 I spent Christmas morning with my brother-in-laws. They humored me and slept under the Christmas tree with me. Although I have only known them for a few years, I feel like I have known them forever.

And of course, I spent my very first Christmas as a wife. I am beyond blessed to be married to this man.

Here's to a new year full of new adventures! 

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone enjoyed some time with their families this season. My husband and I made the trip from NC to NY to see everyone. It was well worth it since we haven't been home since July. I just love spending time with my family. Here are some pictures from the trip...

 Jaxon and I made sugar cookies and frosted them. It's a tradition we do every year. He was so sweet opening his gifts. I just adore this little boy, if you couldn't tell :)

 My husband holding our newest nephew Dawson. I am smitten with this little boy as well. I love this photo because it makes me think of what the future may be like...

My brother baby brother, Caleb. He looks just like me. 

 I made all of my brother-in-laws sleep in the living room on Christmas Eve. Reid, Roger, and I shared a bed.

 This is what memories are made of...

My first Christmas with my husband <3 <3 

Just asking for some prayer

Today is the day that the Controller gets back from medical leave.

She is the one who holds the power to make me permanent in my current position. I am praying that she makes a decision this week, although it is unlikely. Just pray that she has found my work valuable and thinks that I would be a good fit for the head AR position. My biggest fear is that she will move me to a lower position and find someone else to replace me though that would be an awful move for the company. I am also nervous that she will keep me in this AR position as a temporary employee until she knows for sure. It's been months since my first day and I really just want to know that I can stop worrying about what the future will hold with this job.

So much to think about me for me. I am just turning it over to God. Thank you for praying alongside me. I will keep you updated as I know...

Our First Christmas

 Roger and I are settling into our first Christmas season together. We have been very purposeful in our holiday spending and traditions. We have purchased many gifts that will support others and adoption. We have signed up to do Dave Ramesy's Financial Peace Classes to help manage our finances going forward. We do not want to be consumed by material things. We want to start our family down the right path by getting out of debt and making others a priority.

Roger and I successfully set up our 1st tree and decorated it!  

And here is something that I have been waiting for for many years. My mom hand painted this nativity scene when she was pregnant with me. Every year she put it out for us and this year she past it along to me. I am so thrilled to have this in our home for many years...

I hope you enjoy your Christmas season and remember what really matters!! 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I am sulking today. 

My family is back in New York and we are in North Carolina. 

All I have is the pictures that I was able to snap.

 Dawson really seemed to take to Uncle Roger. I loved watching Roger with his nephew. It makes me really excited for the future.

Jaxon loved Reid! He told his Mom on the way home that he wants all of us to live in one big house. 

It's amazing how quickly I fell in love with Dawson. 

 Of course, this little boy is my everything. He wore my Green Bay packers shirt to show his support. I cannot get enough of him.

My brother-in-laws and husband. I love their energy and their love for each other. Each Rose boy is so different but yet so much alike. I loved watching them interact this past week. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Jeanne and I  at the park. I am so glad that she made the trip down with Dave. It was Dawson's first big trip out and I am sure she would have rather stayed snuggled at home but they drove all the way down to be with us.

I am blessed beyond blessed. I hope your Thanksgiving was as wonderful as mine!! 

Thankful

In my devotions today I read from the words of Paul. Have you ever noticed how thankful he is? It puts me to shame. It is November and this is the "month" of Thankfulness. I should have joined my friends and posted daily on my face book wall but I did not. So I am going to do it here instead. 30 days in November, 30 reasons to be thankful...

I am thankful for...

1- My relationship with Christ this year. It has grown in ways I did not know it could grow. He has opened my eyes to things beyond my wildest imagination.

2- My new church. They are preaching the Word of God. They are convicting me and helping to change me. It's been awhile since I have really felt convicted on Sundays.

3- Moving to North Carolina. Moving has ripped Roger and I out of our comfort zones. We depend on each other because that is all we have most days...

4- My sweet friends, John and Shannon. Conversations with them are refreshing. I love when we have each other over for dinner and get lost in conversation. I love laughing with them about funny marital problems we each have. They are more of a blessing than they know.

5- My husband. He has been my rock. He comforts me when I cry over a burnt meal, missing my mommy, or when I cry just because. He has shown compassion and love to me while I work through so many things.

6- My mom. She is the best. In one weekend she totally changed the look of our apartment. I am thankful that she sacrificed her finances to come see me a few weeks back. She always knows when I need her most.

7- My brother Caleb's random texts. He always puts a smile on my face.

8- Afternoon Facebook chats with my brother Nathan in Afghanistan. He is always so upbeat even though he is miles from home or family. He puts me to shame.

9- Nathan's safety while he fights for our country.

10- Sunday skype dates with Roger's family. I really look forward to hearing about everyone's week. I love seeing my brother-in-laws on the computer.

11- My job at MTS. I was supposed to be there 6 days and have been there for months and am hopeful that they will make me a permanent position.

12- Dave and Jeanne. Their adoption story has brought me to tears many times. I was there when they decided to adopt, I watched Jeanne struggle through so many things. They have taught me so much through this story. I cannot wait to have them in my house.

13- Jaxon's package of school paperwork. He wanted me to know what he was doing in school so he sent me his papers. I love that he thinks of me. He has the most tender heart.

14- Orphans and adoption; every story changes me and makes me more like Christ.

15- Jim and Tiffany for letting me walk in their adoption story. I cannot believe how one family's decision to adopt has completely changed my world.

16- My all better blanket. Yes, it is silly but I cannot help it.

17- Saturday morning waffles with my husband. It's a tradition that will stick.

18- The opportunity to cook my first Thanksgiving meal with a household bursting with family.

19- A clean apartment. I cannot even begin to tell you how much joy I take in a clean home.

20- Glory. She has forever changed Roger and I. Her letters are so thoughtful. I melt every time I see her signature because I know how much she cares for us.

21- Late night talks with Roger. We have the best time just lying in bed and talking. Sometimes it's about our childhoods or maybe about our futures. We normally end up laughing the hours away but  I wouldn't trade it for anything.

22- My health. God has kept me healthy and this is a huge blessing as I do not have health insurance right now. He always takes care of me.

23- Brand new candles lit in my apartment. There is just something wonderful about a new smell.

24- Chris Tomlin Pandora. The songs that play through that are never the same but they always touch my heart and sometimes I have to fight back tears.

25- A house full of photographs. I cannot imagine not having photos every where in my house. They help me remember so many precious moments.

26- A warm bubble bath after a long day. There is simply nothing better and if I wasn't blogging right now that is where I would be. It's really the simple things in life isn't it?

27- Lowes Grocery Store. They put together bags of groceries that you can purchase for the needy. They are committed to helping the poor and make it easy for others to help.

28- Friday drive home from work. If you work an 8-5 job you know that this is a great feeling.

29- Football. It is something that Roger and I do together. We look forward to the Packer's playing. We talk about it and it is a tradition to have football food when they play. 5 years ago, I never would have agreed to marry a guy who loves sports but I cannot imagine my world any other way.

30- This challenge of writing 30 things. I need to be more thankful. I need to tell people how thankful I am for them. I need to show that I have a thankful heard and this little challenge has done that. I am blessed. I could not ask for anything else in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Never time to write...

I have been meaning to blog for weeks now.

 I want to share all about our church and how I really feel God there. I want you to know that I have never been to a church that is so real and authentic in it's teaching while still being biblical. I want you to feel my love for the gospel and how the more I study adoption, I feel closer to God. And as much as I want you to know these things, I never write.

I just spent the entire weekend with my mom. It was amazing. I miss her so much and cherish these moments with her. She completely changed my living room and bedroom with purchases of an entertainment center and bedding. We spent hours talking and sipping the best Ethiopian coffee. We shared church together and then a few tears when she left today.

I am busy at work and it's a good busy. God has blessed me. Earlier this week, I shared with the HR person that if for some reason the head AR position ever became available again that I would be willing to take it. I really wasn't sure what was going to happen but I knew the lady that they just hired was not catching on quick enough so it was a possibility. Well the other day, I was called into my boss's office and he asked me if I would like to take the position because they were letting the other girl go. Of course I accepted. The position came with a nice raise through my temp agency. Yup, you read right, still a temp. The controller for the accounting department is out on medical leave and no one wants to officially offer me the position until she gets back in December. I understand why they would like to wait until then. However, in the mean time, they want to learn as much as possible so when she gets back she would almost have to hire me. Pray that I will be able to learn as much as possible and that they will want to hire me come December 10th. I would love to have this job officially. I would love the stability. I know that God will provide and I continue to trust Him.

My house will be full in just a few weeks as my Father-in-laws, brothers, and cousins will be filling every corner of our house for Thanksgiving. I cannot wait to have everyone here. I really can't wait.

That's my update for now. I would write more but my dear husband is starving and I need to cook dinner. Until next time...

Dear Dawson-

Dear Dawson, 

Welcome to the world! I am so excited that you are finally apart of this family. 

I cannot wait to see what your life will look like. Your parents have been on a journey for you. They weren't always sure that they would have more than one child but I knew they would. And trust me, now that you are in their arms they know that you belong there and have always belonged there. Your parents have fought hard for you. You should know how much you are loved. 

Jaxon and You

Jaxon, your older brother, he needs you. He needs you to push him around a little. He needs a few good arguments with you. He needs to go into his room and mess up his cars, they will be in order by color so just move the black to the red and that will be enough. Jaxon needs you just as much as you need him.

Pictures stolen from your Mom!

Although I have seen many pictures of you, I cannot wait to love on you in person. You have the chubbiest checks and they are begging this aunt to kiss on them. You won't know me the way that your brother does but that will not change how much I love and adore you. I will always cheer you on even though we are miles apart. I will be your favorite aunt :) In less than a month I will love on you. I am devastated that I am missing this first month but am so thankful for the time we will have together.

I love you more than you know,

Aunt Bethany 

Oh D-Wade, I apologize for your parents now. They are a tad crazy but they mean well, really they do :)

He Gets Me

Have I mentioned that I love being married? I really do. I love my husband, Roger. He gets me, I mean really gets me. 

The other day, I purchased some incense and had it burning when he turned to me and said, "This brings up some childhood memory doesn't it? Your mom used to light these and it makes you think of home, right?" Yup! He is so right. My mom used to have some burning in her room and the smell reminds me of being at home. He knew that without me telling him that. He knows when I am missing home. 

He can tell what kind of mood I am in just by what I eat. He actually said that I should stop menu planning and just decide on my way home from work what we should have because I change my mind so many times. I tend to menu plan for a week then rearrange it every night... I am just not in the mood for whatever I have planned :) 

Roger knows that when I have an awful headache, I will want to lie in bed with my blankie (oh yes blankie not blanket!) and have my backed rubbed. He knows that eventually when my headache goes away that I will want to put on my pj's and one of his oversized shirts and just cuddle. He lets me be whiney and needy when I am not feeling well and takes care of me perfectly. 

He doesn't question my craziness. He knows that I will only light my candles when the house is clean, that I hate to sweep, and that I have a water-to-ice ratio in my drinks. He may not understand why I do these things but he lets me do them. He lets me be me. 

Isn't that great? I wish that everyone could find what I found. I am truly blessed to be married to Roger.  People tell me that eventually this newly wed stage will end but I hope it doesn't. 

I really hope it doesn't...

Making the Gospel Real

I want to share something with you that Roger and I have been doing since we got married.

I think it stemmed out of the Compassion Child that we sponsor. Her name is Glory and she started to open our eyes to many things. (And for the record, we plan on sponsoring her as long as possible, 20 years?)

We wanted to make a difference, do something that would really help people.

Roger and I decided that out of EVERY paycheck, we would purchase something that would help someone else.

Now you're confused right?

It's really simple actually.

We would do a little research and find an organization or family that needed help and then either purchase something that would go towards them or donate directly to them. We also committed to praying that week for the "thing" we were helping. At first, we purchased adoption T-shirts from several families who were adopting children from all over the world. The proceeds went directly to their fundraising, which is great! Then we started to buy things like coffee, bracelets, and hats. We also do Operation Christmas Child and support many of our troops overseas. Honestly, it was so easy to find things to purchase or organizations to donate to.

Sometimes we spend upwards to $50 on an item and sometimes it is just $5.00. It really depends on what we find. People have criticized me for not helping people right here in the US. It's not true though. We have supported a few families who have adopted from the US. And adoption isn't the only thing that we can help with. We have donated money to food banks, homeless centers, or even dropped off our clothes where we knew it would go to charity. The need to help is EVERYWHERE!

I have heard so many people say things like "adoption shirts are too expensive" " only half of the money goes to that organization" " I need to save to be able to buy it"among other things. And honestly, I used to say those things as well. EXECPT that I have eaten out at least once this month and if I can do that then I can support something. If you say, well great, we never eat out then I say...There is something in your life that can be cut back, trust me. If Roger and I can do it on minimum wage then you can do it as well.

I am not trying to be harsh. (Maybe a tad harsh?) I just think that there are so many people who say they want to do something and then don't. Talk is cheap. I am also not trying to pat ourselves on the back. We are NOT perfect. We do NOT have it figured out. We are simply trying to raise awareness of those in need for ourselves. The gospel commands us to take care of the poor and needy and this is how I know how to do it best. Maybe it looks different for you. I don't know. I just know that you are called to do something. Figure out your something and DO IT! (And then please share!!!)

Sorry if my post ruined your mood...

Wait am I sorry? :)

Routined Robot

Last Sunday our pastor said something that has brought on several conversations in this household. He was talking about the day-to-day lifestyle. We get up, we go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed, and then get up go to work, come home, Watch TV, go to bed and repeat... I think you get the idea. What in our day-to-day is making a difference? We do the same thing every day. It seems at the end of the day there is nothing to really be proud of. We've done no good work for other or further God's kingdom.

Well that was me this week. I worked a typical 8-5 job in a company's accounting department. I was like a robot, I did the same thing every day. Woke up, did my hair and make-up, got dressed, made tea, went to work, came home cleaned up, made dinner, watched TV, and went to bed. Only to repeat this day after day. I did nothing of importance. It was a routine and I stuck to it.

During the middle of my week, I remember saying to Roger, "this is the kind of job that would make me move to Africa to be a missionary..." He laughed and completely agreed because he had been doing the same thing this week. He was stuck in a routine. I am not saying that Roger and I are moving to Africa to be missionaries (I'm not going to lie and say that we haven't talked about it either...) We are just trying to figure out as a new couple what we need to do to bring eternal joy in our lives. We want to break this mold and really live for something. We need to live out a purpose.

I think if you really think about your life whether you are a Christian or not you will come to a point where you think, "What am I living for?" "Is what I am doing really going to matter?" "Is there something more than this?" That's what I am trying to figure out. I think it's going to be a long journey though...

Today was my Friday...

Many of you don't know that I have been working a temporary job with a large company down here in North Carolina. I really didn't tell anyone because it was only supposed to last 6 days, today being my last day and what I thought was going to be my Friday until...

My boss called me into her office and asked me to stay on for awhile. She didn't say how long. I am planning on working the rest of this week, which is a huge blessing in itself! However, she went on to say wonderful things about me and my work ethic. She like how organized I was and how I prioritize my to-do lists. She said I was extremely friendly to all customers and I am able to take directions well. She then asked me if I was looking for something permanent. Of course, I answered yes. She went on to say that she needs to talk to the VP and what she would like to do is rearrange the accounting department to include me full-time! This is great news but she said that she hasn't gotten the clearance yet from her boss because he is away on vacation and that I would still have to sit through a formal interview and what not. 

So I need your prayers. I would love to work full-time with this company. (If I land the full-time job I will tell you the name). It is a great company to work for and I would love to be full-time. Pray that her boss sees the need for my position and wants to hire me even though I have little large time account experience. Pray that I will be able to accept whatever God has for me. ( I should note that I am awaiting to hear from a few YMCA jobs as well....) I am so thankful that God has given me this opportunity! I am even more thankful for even this week of work. He always knows what I need. I cannot believe how He always takes care of me even when I think He isn't there. He is amazing and continues to show me His power. 

Thanks for praying! I will keep you updated. :) 

Waiting on the Future

What I love about my husband is that I know when God is changing his heart. I can see it in his eyes, the way he stares off in the distance, thinking about the future. I know that something big is going to come. It may not be today or tomorrow but in ten years I strongly believe our lives will look completely different than they do today. I believe God is remolding our dreams and ideas about the future. Only He knows what the future holds. I am anxiously awaiting though...

Oh Brother

I got online an hour ago to blog and spent my time "pinning" to my boards. You can go here to see all about it. It's such a fun way to organize everything and I can look at other people's boards to get some great dinner recipes and so much more.

Anywho...

Tonight I missed a call from my brother in Afghanistan which really bummed me out. However, I was able to text back and forth with my baby brother, Caleb. What a joy that was, even if he was in a bad mood! He never texts me so when he does for whatever reason, I am thrilled.

Caleb and I on the Golden Gate Bridge

My sweet brother Caleb is a senior in high school this year. I cannot believe he has made it. I remember this punk kid running around crazy in grade school. He always had a ton of energy. He is passionate. He is an envelope pusher. He does not take no for an answer when he knows there are other options. I love my dear brother. He is so much like me, it scares me. We are 4 years apart and seem to have the same view towards things.

He texted me tonight for a variety of reasons but what I think it boils down to is that everything is about to change for him...again. Our family is notorious for change. It could be moving houses every few years, school districts within one school year, or new father figures in our lives. We never had consistency in our lives which is why I crave it now and so does my brother.

Unfortunately, for him, he isn't going to get consistency. He is about to enter a huge period of change. He will graduate from high school and have to attend college and decide what to do for the rest of his life. I do not envy him at all. It was a rough period in my life and I know it will be a rough time for him as well. His emotions will get the best of him as they did for me. He will wake up crying and hating his life because all he wants is a sense of normalcy.

So many of us crave normalcy. We want a pattern that we can predict and we can follow to a tea. It doesn't matter what stage we are in our lives, the unknown scares the heck out of us. I feel for my brother, I really do. I am also beyond excited for him as he enters this new phase in his life.

I am learning, with God's help, how great the unknown actually is. It forces us to focus solely on God and His power. I am okay with the unknown knowing that God is there to guide me. I pray that my brother finds comfort in Christ as well. I pray that he understands that this unknown really isn't going to kill him. No matter what he does, he will do it with passion and I have always admired my brother for that.

At the Jelly Belly Factory in California! Don't we look like siblings? :) 

In Control

God is in control.

I know it and most times believe it. But when I say that I believe it then I try to micro-manage God am I believing? I think that's what I have been doing recently- micro-managing God. I say that I trust him but then I keep taking it back into my hands and trying to figure the problem out.

I am mocking God. Every time I micro-manage Him, I am mocking Him.

The truth is, I need a job and I need a job soon. I keep saying that I have "given it over" to God. The truth is, I probably haven't and I do not know if I ever will. I think that it is not a one time deal, I think that every day it is a battle. Every morning, I need to wake up and give my job situation over to God.

I need to stop feeling defeated that this is a daily process. I feel Satan creeping in and telling me that this is wrong and that I should "have it all together." I fall into these lies all the time. Day after day I feel defeated. Satan likes to creep in at night, when I should be sleeping.

It is not going to be a daily process for me from now on,  I am thinking it is going to be a minute by minute process for me. Every minute I am going to have to give it over to God and trust that He will bring me a job that will be just what I need.

Defeated

It is one of those days where I feel completely defeated.

I have no job.

I miss being at home.

I miss my mom.

I miss the normalcy of New York.

I miss the moments that I feel I am missing.

Sometimes one just needs a good cry and some good time in the Word of God.

I plan on doing both.

Thankful that tomorrow is a new day.

Making the Word Personal

As I was reading for my devotions, I came across this passage from Ephesians 2:1-10. I have copied and pasted it and changed it to be personal to me. As I was reading these verses, I felt like God was reading them to me. He clearly needed me to read this. I wanted my pronouns in there so that I can remember that I was once a sinner and now by grace-amazing grace- am saved! Praise God!


"And I am dead in the trespasses and sins in which I once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom I once lived in the passions of my flesh, carrying out the desires of the body  and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved me, even when I was dead in my trespasses, made me alive together with Christ— by grace I have been saved— and raised me up with him and seated me with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward me in Christ Jesus. For by grace I have been saved through faith. And this is not my own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For I am his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,which God prepared beforehand, that I should walk in them."

It's Been Awhile

I know. I haven't posted a "real" post in quite some time. I wish I could write everything down that was going on in my head but  I cannot. Somethings cannot be said on the world wide web.

 Everything is going well here in North Carolina.

Roger and I have been married for 3 months and we still love it. Everyday is a new adventure for us that only brings us closer and closer.

No, I haven't found a job yet. I am waiting to hear back from this insurance company but it may be awhile because they are very busy with the clean up from Irene. Roger and I are trusting that God will provide and every time I think of the word "job" I instantly turn it over to Him.

I still do not sleep well at night. I am really struggling with that. I want to fall asleep without any help and just enjoy being rested but it has not come yet.

My mom has come and gone and I desperately wish she was here all the time. Yes, I wish she lived next store to me.

My brother is in Afghanistan and there is not a day that I do not get sick to my stomach thinking about him being over there. I miss him. I want him home and I am sure his wife feels the same way.

I am enjoying the company of my best friend, Shannon. There is something completely refreshing about our relationship. I thank God daily that she and her husband are in my life.

God is in control of all of my situations and I am learning that slowly but surely. Life is a learning process, you know?

T-Shirts

I have been following Kim's blog for some time now and have helped donate in the past when she was making her trip to Africa. Now, I am thrilled to read that her and her family have decided to adopt not 1 but 2 girls from Ethiopia! How exciting is that?

She is currently doing a T-Shirt Fundraiser and her shirts are awesome. If you want to help her and her family out, I would encourage you to visit her blog to get involved.

I knew you wanted to practice James 1:27 this morning :)

Insomnia

in·som·ni·a/inˈsämnēə/

Noun: Habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep

Yup, that's what I have. I cannot fall asleep and even if I do fall asleep I cannot stay asleep

I toss and turn all night long and cannot seem to get a decent's night sleep.  When I wake up I give my night's sleep over to God and beg Him to allow me to sleep and I do not. I cannot do this anymore. 

I have no idea what I am supposed to do. 

I need to sleep.

Any ideas to help?

And no I will not try warm milk. The idea makes me want to throw up. 

My Mom is Coming!

My mom is on her way down here to North Carolina!! I am beyond excited. I knew she would be coming this weekend because she picked the date while I was still leaving in New York. I have been counting down the days on my calendar and it is finally here.

Some people may not be too excited to have their mother visit but that is not me. I wish she would just pick up her stuff and move down here already. {Maybe by this time next year...} I cannot wait to show my mom where I live, shop, and spend my time. I am so excited for her to see my apartment and how I have decorated. It is almost like it is my chance to show her how well she did raising me and how proud she should be of my life here.

Today I have spent the day cleaning and organizing. The entire house has been cleaned from top to bottom. There are candles lit and soon there will be homemade cookies to enjoy. There is something wonderful about all of these things but what is more wonderful is that my mom will be able to enjoy them with me. She will be here tomorrow morning {or tonight if I can convince her to drive all the way} and spend a few days here. I don't have a lot planned just some shopping trips, local state park, dinner with my best friends and my mom, and visiting.

I am sure it will be a great time for her and for me. I cannot wait to finally see her! But until then I need to dig through my cooking magazine that just came and organize some recipes and do some dinner prep for tomorrow.  Life is grand isn't it?

My mom, Doreen, and I at John and Shannon's wedding!

Birth Mothers Do Care

At this adoption conference, I went to a session called "In The Mind of a Birth Mother." Before I dive into what I learned, let me tell you what I thought I knew about birth mothers and how that view has been dramatically change.

I imagined a birth mother as woman who has the worst life. I imagined that she drank, does drugs, and sleeps around. I imagine that she isn't able to hold a steady job and definitely does not have prior children. I imagine that she wakes up next to different guys all the time and prays that she isn't pregnant. She may even be in high school and may have slept with her high school boyfriend. Either way, she is not the kind of woman that I want to rub shoulders with.

That is what I thought before I entered this session and I bet if you were honest with yourself you would agree with some of my judgements. Here's what I learned about Birth Mothers...

A birth mother is someone who carried a child for 9 months and gives that child up for adoption. (That I knew...) What I never thought of was how she reached this decision. I watched a video by Bethany Christian Services with real birth mothers who told their story. The journey of a birth mother is incredible. It has often been said that a birth mother does not care for her child and that is why she gives them up. It's the complete opposite! A birth mother cares so much for her child. She has to make the decision that she is not able to care for the child. This means denying herself the rights to her child. She knows that she cannot offer the child the right kind of life, sure she could live selfishly and decided to keep that child but she doesn't. She knows she cannot care for the child so she does the next best thing and carries that child to term and then allow someone else to care for that child. She may want to keep the child but she knows that in the long run this will only hurt the child.

One of the things that the video pointed out was that the birth mother's greatest fear is she will have no contact with her child after she places it for adoption. A birth mother wants to know that her child is safe, after all, she is the one who decided to give the child up. And trust me, these services make sure that this decision is what the mother wants. You need to understand (and I needed to as all) that the birth mother does care for her child and does want some degree of contact with the child and even the adoptive parents.

The video shared some myths and facts about birth mothers that I want to share here. 

Myth- A birth mother could show up on my door step if I chose an open adoption.

Fact- The chances of that happening are slim, extremely slim. Birth mothers in this video said that they have already made the choice to give up their child to someone who can take better care of them, so why would they want to ruin the chance that their child is comfortable by showing up.

Myth- Your child will be screwed up with an open adoption because of two moms. They won't be able to tell the difference.

Fact- That's not the case at all. The social worker said, give your child credit. They understand that they have 2 sets of grandparents, they will understand 2 mothers. Also, it is good for the child to know about the birth mother, it helps puts the puzzle pieces together in their mind. The social worker said that a 5 year old explained the different mom's this way. "My birth mom is the one who grew me inside her tummy then she gave me to my mom who is taking care of me because my birth mom cannot." 

The social worker presented some statistics as well. She said that 3% of mothers want a closed adoption. This normally is the case for someone who is raped. She said that 97% of birth mothers want at least some information on their child. It helps them know that they made the right choice. 90% of birth mothers would like to meet the adoptive parents. You need to remember that birth mothers want peace of mind from their decision. They want to know that their child is in the best hands possible, which is why the social worker said that closed adoptions are not happening. She said she places maybe one closed adoption a year compared to almost 40 semi or open adoptions. The social worker said that as adoptive parents you have the amazing opportunity to give your birth mother peace of mind and let her know that she did make the right decision. 

With all of this being said, just remember how hard it was for the birth mother to come to this decision. She had to come to the conclusion that she is not capable of caring for a child then she had to hand pick you from hundreds of profiles. She most likely will want some contact either pictures or letters maybe a phone call but she will leave the parenting to you. She made the decision for you to parent her child. She wants what is best for her baby. Just remember that.

I now have the upmost respect for birth mothers. You should too. 

Random Fact- In North Carolina, the birth mother has 7 days to take the child back after she signs over her rights. And the social worker said that she has seen maybe one a year where this happens. Of course, I am talking about infants in this situation. Most children who are older are in foster care and the parent has already left them behind.

Tragic Beauty

Just imagine that you are in the middle of your favorite sports arena for your favorite team, for us it would be the Red Sox, you have this overwhelming feeling knowing that all of these people are here for one reason-to see them win. We wear our jerseys and baseball hats, we take pictures of everything, and we high five the person next to us when they score.

Now imagine that all of these people are not fighting for their favorite team to win but rather are defending someone- the fatherless, the orphan. Imagine that you are surrounded by hundreds of believers who have adopted children domestically and internationally, children with special needs, older children, and children of different skin color. Imagine that everyone around you believes in orphan care-welcome to my weekend. I had the privilege of going to Pure Religion Conference that was sponsored by Colonial Baptist Church in Cary, North Carolina. We had speakers like Dan Cruver from Together for Adoption. We enjoyed music by Geoff Moore and hearing his story of adopting his little girls. What a weekend. My heart is bursting at the seams.

I have so much that I want to say but I believe I will have to write a few posts. I want to share with you somethings that I learned from the opening session then in the next few days, I will write about the workshops. So let me share with you what I learned...

Adoption is tragic beauty. It is tragic because some child had to lose his parents but it is beauty because some family got the joy of hand picking that child to be in their family. This is deeper than adopting a child, it is the simple story of Christ's love for us. My adoption into the kingdom of Christ is a tragic beauty. I disowned my father, I sinned against Him, I had hate in my heart. And what does He do? He picks up my pieces, my life and places me back together; welcoming me into His kingdom. I am not Fatherless. I have been adopted. When one stops and realizes this they should fall to their knees in adoration of this Maker. We have been adopted. We are saved. Adopting a child is a physical picture of the spiritual picture that Christ has drawn for us.

Now look at James 1:26-27 and be amazed. What I learned from Pastor Davey, the head pastor as Colonial, is that James is not writing to brand new believers, he is writing to those who are already strong in their faith. (This makes me understand why some Christians simply do not get adoption, they aren't there yet in their spiritually journey) James is saying that pure religion in the sight of God, not man, is to visit the orphans and widows in their distress. Now visit (that's the word used in my ESV Bible) means organized care, to strengthen someone. The pastor said that that word "visit" and the meaning of organized care is only use two other times in the Bible and it refers to Christ visiting us. Wow. So we are called as Christians to have organized care towards orphans and widows. And guess what he said? Adopting a child does not exempt you from this. Just because you did something amazing one time, doesn't mean your off the hook. He also said that adoption is not for everyone but orphan care is for everyone.

A different pastor went on to say that God funds what He favors. Did you get that? Yup, God funds those things that He favors. How many stories do you know of people just donating thousands of dollars to help someone bring home a child? I know many and I strongly believe that when you are in God's word, doing what God has called us to do, God will provide.

One of the exhibits gave 10 ways that every Christian can help the orphan or waiting child. And honestly, it doesn't sound like God is giving us an option. It sounds like He is commanding us to do something...

1- Pray for them. Tape a waiting child's picture on your dashboard and pray for them.
2- Speak up for them.
3- Provide for their needs. Give sacrificially (make it hurt...) to a reputable orphanage or someone who is adopting.
4- Support those who are already supporting the orphans.
5- Protect them from harm. Become a foster parent, adopt, raise money to help a children's home remove children from the streets. www.ebenzerfamily.org
6- Visit them where they are. Go on a mission trip. (This is where my heart is... I want to go!!) Take a dinner to a foster group home.
7-Give sacrificially. www.showhope.org or www.abbafund.org 
8- Encourage them to press on. Sponsor a child and offer hope.
9- Adopt them into your home
10- Mobilize your church for them.

If you looked through that list and thought that there is nothing that you can do for them, then you need to get into the Word. You need to strengthen your faith and realize how close adoption is to God's heart, after all He did adopt you.

 I will not apologize for being honest and stepping on someone's toes. The truth must be heard and I will speak for the Fatherless. I will do everything that I can to defend these children, after all did they have a choice? No one asked them to become orphans. Just remember that.

More on this conference to come...

It's Conference Time

Tonight I am going to enjoy the teachings of Geoff Moore at the Pure Religion Adoption Conference. I am beyond excited. I know that this will be a great time for me to learn and grow about orphans. My heart is passionate about adopting and I cannot wait to be surrounded by others who feel the same. 

There are so many workshops to pick from but I think that I have narrowed it down. Many of the workshops deal with families that are already in the midst of adopting but I found three workshops that are going to be a real treat.

Church’s Response to the African Orphan Crisis – Uganda

Attachment & Trauma Part II: Healing: Be Still and Know That I Am God

The Mind Of A Birthmother

There will also be a number of organizations there to help answer any questions about adoption and the next steps. I am thrilled that God has given me this opportunity. I hope that He changes me and my heart through these next couple of days. I am sure I will post after I finish the conference. 

Love/Hate Relationship

You know what I hate?

I hate...

... being alone on a Sunday evening.
... not knowing how to fix the TV with no sound.
... not being able to reach the fan to turn it off when I am cold.
... watching the Red Sox Game alone.
... thoughts that keep me up at night.
... working through forgiveness.
... waiting to hear back from a job.
... filling out applications.
... the little bugs that are randomly found in my house.
... being alone during a storm.


You know what I love?

I love...

... when I get to put new candles in my candle jar.
... the smell of febreeze on my tidy couch.
... the smell of fresh laundry.
... making good meals for my husband.
... a bed that is made.
... the sound of the dishwasher running.
... being able to give my toes a little TLC with a fresh coat of nail polish.
... knowing that everything is organized, although it can always be reorganized.
... texting with my mom for an hour because we are both lonely.
... a fresh inbox on my email account.
... that all of my credit and debit cards are coming with my new last name.
... that no matter what I am going through, God is there. He knows and He is guiding me.

Roger and I at the beach a few weekends ago. 

Less Is More

As you read yesterday, I am guarding at a country club and there is some down time where I get to read. Unfortunately, I haven't found the public library so I had to dig through my shelves to see if there was a book that I haven't read a few times through...

Luckily, I did find one. My mom bought me a book on my twenty-first birthday. It is titled, "What I Know Now-Letter's to my Younger Self"  It is a book of short stories if you will, from women to themselves during their younger years. 

I finally picked it up and started to read it. And you won't believe the quote that I found. It is almost like they stole it from my head... 

"Less is more principle, I can't bear cluttered closets. A cluttered cupboard is cluttered mind." -Rachel Ashwell Creator of Shabby Chic. (I have never heard of Shabby Chic) 

The quote is what I feel all the time. I know this is a stretch but the principle. "Less is more" is what I am trying to live my life by, in everything. I live by the 6 month rule. If you haven't used it in 6 months, throw it out! Of course there are exceptions, like holiday decor or special memories. I will admit that while I do have ever letter Roger has ever written to me, I did just throw out the flowers from our dating years because of the clutter.  

I think this principle it key to the lifestyle I want to live. I cannot say that my ultimate goal in life is to have a very homey house or the nicest items because maybe that is not what I am called to have. I am not sure what I am called to have. I do not have cluttered closets, I do not have cluttered cupboards, but I feel like I have a cluttered mind. I want to live in this principle of "less is more" but to what extent am I willing to go to? Do I give up everything? I do not know the answer.

I am sorry if this blog post is confusing and all over the place. I am trying to figure things out and when I do that I feel like I need to write but I do feel bad that I need to put my readers through this randomness called my thoughts. So bear with me, maybe I will figure things out in a logical order. Although, I doubt it... 

Until next time...

Disgusted-

I am disgusted.

Completely disgusted.

As you know, Roger and I moved to North Carolina without jobs. It was a scary thing to do but we are trusting that God will provide. And He has, I have been able to find temporary work guarding at a country club. And this is what disgusts me.

The country club that I guard for is for member's only but to be a member costs a pretty penny. To be a member of this country club, the fee is well over $20,000. Yes you read twenty-thousand dollars. It is some ridiculous high end country club. Everyone drives a BMW or more expensive cars. Children run around with their parent's credit cards going up to the food stand demanding service. They feel privileged. I feel pain for them.

The lifeguards that I guard with are just as bad. They also drives BMW's and feel like the world owes them everything. Yesterday, I had to listen to a few of the girl guards talk about their shopping habits and how they can drop a thousand dollars of Daddy's money in just a few hours.  They have no respect for adults and feel like swear words are the only way that they can communicate.

And here I am, in my little corner, and the only thing I can think about it is how this is all a waste. Children are dying overseas, they need water and here we are spending thousands of dollars on country club memberships. And I know that many of you reading this do not belong to a country club but it always makes me think about what things on my level am I buying that isn't a necessity?

It's a nice reminder for me to put things into perspective. I just feel so disgusted and I have no idea what I am supposed to do with these feelings. I love that He puts these things in my path so that I am forced to look at what is necessary in life.

Settling In

We are finally settled into our new apartment in our new state. It is starting to feel like home but of course home is still in New York. We can successfully find the Wal-Mart, Target, Grocery Store, Mall, Gas Station, and our new church without using our GPS. We have enjoyed dinner with our best friends now that they are home from their honeymoon.

Yesterday, we visited a church that we really enjoyed. South Bridge Fellowship in Brier Creek. The odd thing is that it is in a movie theater. They are not building a church, they simply believe that this is the best way to reach their community. People were very friendly and they welcomed us with open arms. The message was great. The pastor is very like-able and down to earth, really reminds me of our home pastors. Roger says he talks fast and louder when he is passionate about something like  Pastor Jim but then knows how to throw in a family story like Pastor Brian. He is a good mix of both. The message was very convicting and really spoke to my heart. We cannot wait to go back.

Roger and I are desperate to find community and find a place where we really belong. I am very excited to say that I am attending a conference that I found through our new church. It is put on by Pure Religion. The conference ranges for all sorts of people who are interested in adoption. Roger and I are not adopting (yet) but I want things in my mind to stay fresh. I am really excited to attend a session about the growing need in Africa. I am thankful for this opportunity and cannot wait to go.

Other than that not much is happening. Roger and I both need jobs by mid-August before we run out of money but we are trusting God. I am also trusting that God will provide us with jobs with enjoy. I personally have my heart set on this Aquatics Director job but only God knows.

So there you have it folks, an update on our life. I am hoping to fall back in a a regular blogging pattern once we have internet at our apartment.

Enjoy your day!

Job Interview

Well since the last time that I wrote, I have moved states away from my home town. My husband and I went from Cortland, NY to Raleigh, NC and let me tell you, we love it down here!

We are still getting into a rhythm and trying to figure out where everything is. Although, I do know where some places are. I would love to blog about everything but there is still so much to do in our apartment.

The reason I am blogging is because I need prayer. I have two interviews scheduled for tomorrow...

The first is at a car dealership in their business department which is great because my degree will be put to good use. That interview is at 10:00AM on Thursday.

The second is the one that I am really excited about and terrified all at the same time. I am interviewing at a YMCA in Raleigh as their Aquatics Director. That interview is at 4:00PM.  This job is what I was doing just a few weeks ago so I am confident in my skills but I am young and I think that the lady interviewing knows that. I pray that she sees that I am able to do this job well.

I would love to get either job but I would really love the Y job since that is where my comfort is. I know He has a plan but I figure there is no reason why everyone else can't pray either?

I will update as soon as I have internet that I am not stealing from my neighbors!

Dear Shannon

Today you are getting married and I could not be more excited for you. Today your sister and brother will stand up and give their toasts to you and I wanted to do the same here. I am so happy that both of your siblings are there to share in your special day and the fact that they are doing your toasts is just perfect. I wouldn't want it any other way.

I cannot believe how fast these years have gone by. Do you remember all the crazy things that we use to do? Mismatch day? Getting lost for hours in your woods? Those hour long phone conversations where we begged our parents to let us stay over? How about the bubbles in Nana's tub? We couldn't get them to stop bubbling, we were so scared she would be upset; but she wasn't. How about going school clothes shopping? You would get a green shirt and I would get a blue shirt, we always matched.  6th Grade Play? How about your first boyfriend Mark? (It doesn't count John, she was like 10 haha) And don't forget all of those camp memories and TLC. Toothpaste on the walls? What was wrong with us?! Here's a picture to help you remember those times.

Not that I really need to remind you but remember those painful times we went through? How stupid I was to ever let those years slip away from us. And remember all of those times where we tried to patch things up but nothing seemed to work? Until finally years later, we started intentionally meeting for coffee and getting to know each other again. 

Can I tell you, what a blessing those times were. How thankful I am that we worked through our problems, put them behind us, and became friends again. You have blessed me in so many ways. Remember all those coffee dates where all we talked about was our weddings? Even if we had gone over chair covers for the thousandth time, we still revisited the subject. Remember when you found your wedding dress and you texted me with multiple smiley faces and before you even told me what it looked like, I knew because we had spent hours dreaming about the perfect dress. Remember the bridal show that we went to? We were each months away from our wedding and found it to be rather boring because we are master planners. 

And let's not forget about all of those texts that we would send. We could text for hours and feel completely refreshed. What about Applebee's? We never did need a menu and we never had problems filling up two hours with conversation. And we can't forget my wedding. We spent hours talking to each other. I had to have one more lunch date with just you so I could let you know everything that was going on. I needed you by my side and you were always there. As soon as I had a thought, you took care of it and I never had to think twice about it again. You were amazing. 

But today starts a new chapter in our friendship. Today, you walk down the aisle to the man of your dreams. The man you have been waiting to marry for 6 years. The man God designed for you. John is a lucky man to spend the rest of his life with you. Today, I get the joy of standing up there with you to watch you marry John. I could not be happier for you both. You have a love that not many people find. You both have had to carry this relationship while being hundreds of miles apart. You two adore each other and have the same love that I found in Roger. But today will change our friendship. From this point on we will both have a husband to tend to before each other, we will have daily tasks to do that will keep us apart and at the end of the night we will each come home to our husbands.

However, I am not worried. Although our friendship will change and it will look different than it did yesterday, I am confident that our friendship is here to stay. (We did move states to be closer to you :) ) Our husbands will go out for baseball games and we will spend more time shopping and chatting about our houses instead of weddings. We will have many dates (and double dates). We will find a new friendship together as married women. I cannot thank you enough for your friendship, Shannon. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for us. I know He has blessed our friendship and will continue to bless us. 

You will always be my best friend.

I love you.

~ Bethany