School

Have I mentioned recently that tomorrow starts my Senior year of college! I cannot believe it! I smile at the fact that I have {almost} made it through college and grin at the fact of the work load that will come with my last year. I also have a lot of huge decisions to make in regards to my Masters. I kind of thought that I would take a year off and enjoy life but I do not think that is the wisest idea. I need to just suck it up and finish. So please pray for me as I start this journey of my next stage of school.

I have been busy planning a wedding and soaking up the last days of sunshine. I could write for hours about everything that is going on but I think I will withhold. I want to enjoy this quiet Sunday evening while I wait for Roger to return from work...

I may have screwed up my blog. I changed my title and my web address and I think it may have thrown something for a loop... Sorry if you have not been able to "follow" me lately...

Nightmares

I have been having nightmares of all sorts. I have nightmares about my wedding and not being ready in time. I wake up from a deep sleep sweating and terrified. I have been hearing all sorts of noises in the middle of the night. One night, I had to call Roger at 2:00AM to rescue me! I have not been sleeping well at all. I have not had a solid nights rest for days...

...until last night. I sat down with my Bible and my study on 1 Peter. I did my devotions like normal but then I prayed. I really prayed. I asked God to take whatever this is away from me. I desperately cried out to my Father. I need sleep. I mean don't we all? And you know what, He answered my prayers. I slept all night without waking up once! {Sigh}

I know that He cares about everything but I guess I never thought that He would even care about my sleeping habits. Praise the Lord that He does!! He cares about everything. What a blessing!

Peaceful

This morning was just what I needed. My family is gone on vacation so the house was super quiet. I was able to sleep in until 9:30 this morning! I got up and enjoyed a fresh cup of coffee and a warm bagel. I sat on the couch and just soaked in the peacefulness. Please don't get me wrong, I would take Jaxon's footsteps at 7:00am over a quiet house any day, but it was nice to sleep in!

Roger and I went grocery shopping yesterday. We bought all of our groceries for the entire week. I was able to plan our lunches and dinners. It is such a nice treat to be able to take care of my sweet fiance. I think this week is really helping me prepare for marriage. I am getting more and more excited about being able to take care of Roger all the time.

I've been really enjoying my new study on 1 Peter. It is really refreshing and there is so much information  that I have never noticed before. I am looking forward to sharing what I have been learning at a later time. Until then, I am going to dive back into another good book! What a great day. I hope yours was just as blessed as mine!

Rainy Day

I have been rearranging and changing around my blog. I thought since I change everything else in my life, I better change around my blog. I am still trying to figure out how to make a header. Oh well, maybe this weekend sometime I will work on it.

Until then, I am going to enjoy my rainy day with some good books and a movie! :-)

Lilly Planner

I don't know what has gotten into me! I am in such a grump of a mood. Do you remember how I normally help myself when I am in awful moods? Organize and clean!! After coming home from camp, I moved my room around and started to clean. I have not managed to deep clean everything but I am working on.

I also have been working on wedding plans. Today, I went and looked at flowers and am leaning towards big and bright Gerber Daisy's. They are just so much fun and so playful. I also got an organizer because certain things were starting to get out of hand. I am starting to feel overwhelmed about certain areas. I finally made a decision on who is going to walk me down the aisle! Such a sweet relief...

However, despite all of these things, I still have found myself in a crappy mood. But then I remembered.... my new planner came!!!

I know that the quality isn't very good but it is a Lilly Pulitzer planner. Apparently, Lilly is all about everything pink and green! {Match made in heaven} So I started to write my class schedule in it and organize my upcoming Senior year of college! It has taken my mind off of my rotten attitude... I just can't help it. I am addicted to organizing!!

On that note, I think I need to redo my closet... ;-)

Submission

Here is the honest truth. I am getting married in 9 months and 20 days. I am scared and today I think that I finally figured out why. I have no idea the way that marriage is suppose to work. It has not been modeled to me in a Christ like way.

You see...

My parents were divorced when I was 7 because my father was abusive sexually, emotionally, and physically. When they were married I just remember a lot of crying, fighting and "unexplainable" bloody noses. My father did not celebrate birthdays with us, he did not eat dinner with us and the only time he would play with us is when my mother insisted on it. Years later, my mom remarried to my step father, only to be divorced years after that. Their marriage was also far from perfect. He was too committed to his religion and not to his family. I thought so highly of my stepfather until I realized that he would rather put time into his church groups than into his family. He would daily choose several activities over us. My mother had her faults in that as well. She would often argue and undermine him in front of us. I never saw them love each other the way they were supposed to.

So here I am getting married and have not witnessed or grown up in a biblical marriage. Please, don't get me wrong, I have several solid examples; Jim and Tiffany, Dave and Jeanne, Mike and Beth but that is their marriage and they are not Roger and I. I am able to learn many things through them but yet I still feel like I am lacking.

Roger and I have decided to travel to Norwich to his home church for the remainder of the series Under Construction which focuses on the home. Today's message was perfect for me. It was on submission and about being a wife. I took so many notes and was soaking it in like the sun. I realized that I have so much to learn. Submission involves being yielding in my behavior, my loyalty, my respect, and having a gentle attitude. It does not mean inferiority by any means. What I realized is that submission is a heart issue. We submit to our boss at work but have a hard time submitting to our husbands. Truly that is a heart issue. What I realized in this whole process is that I spend hours getting ready on the outside but I do not spend the same time working on my heart. I could spend 2 hours in front of mirror trying everything I own on but spend only 20 minutes in God's word.

Submission for me is a heart issue. I have not seen it modeled before. I am terrified of being a wife because I do not know how to submit properly. I want to be able to give Roger everything that he needs and desires but I am lacking. I will be spending more time in God's word, searching out what it really means to be a wife. I need and desperately want to have a marriage that lasts. Pray for me on this adventure? It may reveal more about my heart that I am ready to deal with...