Control

Control.

I wish I had control of everything.

This semester is killing me.

I want to control my semester.

I want to control my work schedule.

I want to control how busy my life is.

I want these next 14 days to be over.

I want to control my life.

I want to control but I know I can't.

Guess who is in control?

God.

Jesus.

Lord of all Creation.

Perfect.

He can handle more than I can.

He can handle more than I can.

He can handle more than I can.

Little Moments...

Did you know that even the littlest things make my whole day?

For example, let's take yesterday. I skipped my Marketing Class and slept in. I really needed to sleep! I was exhausted. When I woke up, Mrs. Darling made me eggs, toast, fresh fruit, fresh coffee and OJ! Talk about spoiled! Before I left for school, she had prepared some homemade Greek yogurt with cut up strawberries and honey for my day at school! I must have been grinning from ear to ear! How thoughtful she was!

Later that evening, my sweet finance, brought pizza to the Y so we could have dinner together! Our schedules are polar opposite so it was nice to see him around!

This morning, I heard the littlest footsteps come down the stairs. When I went to investigate, I found Jaxon sitting on our couch. I asked this very sleepy boy, why he didn't wake up Mommy and Daddy and he replied, " they were sleeping so well, I didn't want to wake them!" What a sweet boy! He is almost 3 and is so tender in his ways! I hope his parents keep instilling this quality in him!

Another little thing that just made me smile was a tweet I got earlier. You see, I went to TC3 to get my summer classes straightened out and they lost my forms. They have no idea where they went. They received them because my health form was there but I was not registered. I sent out a tweet that summarized what I just shared with you. Almost immediately, I got a tweet back from someone I have really gotten to know over the past year. He simply said," Why can't it ever be easy for you?" I kind of laughed because he and his wife, know how difficult things can be for me. It was a simple gesture that really touched my heart!

And for my latest day brightener, I am getting off this computer, going out to the park and reading Accounting and International Business until I have to return to work!

Have a great sunshine day!!

I like {love} order...

I am going to share a secret with you! Are you ready? I like order. *GASP* Okay, okay, it's not really a secret! I mean who doesn't know that I like order?!?!

For school, I like check lists. Each week, I make of lists of things that must be accomplished, a list of things that would be nice to accomplish and a list of things to work ahead on. I then take those lists and break them down into small chunks of work. Each day has different tasks. I feel that this is easier than just keeping one big list because I often get overwhelmed if I do not feel like I am accomplishing something. For instance, today on my list: Read chapter 13 and 14 of my IBUS book, Read chapter 20 of my Accounting, Finish my accounting homework, and do my devotions. I was able to cross of those things off my list. I do not think about tomorrow's list just today. I will be honest here, sometimes I make lists just so I can cross things off!

When it comes to my work life, I also crave order. I have a planner that only holds my work schedule. It tells me when I have lessons, classes to teach, guarding hours, and when I need to schedule some office hours for myself. It also holds check lists of items to be done at the pool. ( The task today, clean out the guard shelf!! Gross!) I always tell people that if I ever lost my planners I wouldn't know where I was supposed to be.

When it comes to my home life, order is there as well. My room is almost ALWAYS in perfect condition. By that I mean, my bed is always made, my vanity is clean, my laundry is folded, put away by color and use, there is rarely any dust, and my floor is vacuumed 3 times week. I also plan out what I will wear every day and what I need the next day. For example, I just finished packing for tomorrow. I have my school clothes in one pile, my work clothes are in my car already for after work, my school bag is packed for tomorrow, and I have my pjs out for tomorrow night. Tomorrow morning, I will lay out my clothes for Wednesday into Thursday. I know you are thinking I am crazy! But I never have to worry about what I will wear! When I was in High school, it took me hours to get ready. Now, I can shower, do my hair, and makeup in less than 30 minutes. I like order. Have I said that already?

When it comes to my relationship, Roger knows what he is getting into. When I go to his house, sometimes he won't let me in his room because I will have to organize and clean it. I want his life to flow like mine does. However, I know that he does not share the same love for order. We have already talked about how our lives will blend together when we are married. He is hoping that our bedroom can be a mess like his is now! HA! That will never happen.

I believe in order. I believe that it makes your life 100 times easier. You never have to guess where something is, what to wear, or when your next appointment is. Sure, it takes some time up front to make sure things are in place, but it pays off in the end.

My problem is that I have a very sour spirit when things are changed around on me. For example, if I planned to study for a test on Monday and I was called into work, making me unable to finish my plan, I am not a happy camper. I am trying to be flexible. I am working on letting every day life happen. I do not want to miss any moments. It is very hard for me to just sit back and let life happen without a plan but I also will admit that it is more rewarding than order. Life is happening to me now and I am loving what it is doing. But remember, I like {LOVE} order...

Jeremiah 32

I wish I could give up. I wish that I didn't have to worry about this school business anymore. I have just had it with everything. I could sit here and complain and go on and on and on about how much I hate how my life is. However, I was driving to school the other day and heard these verses and realized that nothing is too hard for Him...

Jeremiah 32:17-20
"Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. You show love to thousands but bring the punishment for the fathers' sins into the laps of their children after them. O great and powerful God, whose name is the LORD Almighty, great are your purposes and mighty are your deeds. Your eyes are open to all the ways of men; you reward everyone according to his conduct and as his deeds deserve."

Countdown

29 days until this semester is over...

54 days until Boston Red Sox Game...

60 days until my birthday...

257 days until Christmas...

418 days until I get married....

Simple Tasks

I must say that this post is rather different. I am not normally like this. I do not normally enjoy little tasks like this but today I did. Roger, being the sweetheart that he is, bought me a brand new iron and ironing board! Normally, I would not be thrilled to receive such a gift. Afterall, I knew that he only bought it so I could iron his clothes for the funeral... Either way, I enjoyed this task very much.


Here I am engaged to such a tender and sweet man and he asked me to do a simple task for him. How could I refuse? I could not help it. I daydreamed about when we are married. I will be ironing his work clothes for him the week before ( I am a planner...) and enjoying doing the simple things for him. Maybe one day I will not love ironing his clothes but as for today I love it. I love taking care of him. Just the other day he came to me with his laundry basket overflowing with clothes and his sweet smile. I cannot say no to that. I can't wait to fold his clothes and put them neatly away. I cannot wait to organize them just the way they should be ;-) Simple tasks. That's all it is. Simple tasks that let Roger know that he means the world to me, even if it is only ironing his dress clothes...

A Better Place

Monday afternoon Roger and I got a call that we needed to head to Cooperstown immediately to see Grandma Rose because she would not make it through the night. We drove 2 hours to the hospital and when we walked into the room she was as witty as ever. We spent several hours with her not knowing what was to come. We left late at night and traveled an hour back to Roger's house. Once the family was all settled in for the night, Grandma Rose called and wanted someone to sit with her through the night. Mike and Beth, Roger's parents, went back to the hospital and sat with her.

Roger, his brothers, and myself stayed the night at his house only to head right back to Cooperstown in the morning. We did not know what the day would hold as we drove over there but nevertheless we went and visited some more with her. We stayed in her room for hours. We chatted with her and listened to her harass the nurses and her own grandchildren. We soon left to eat some dinner while Mike, Beth, and her husband were visiting her.

Once we arrived back to the hospital we were greeted by Grandma Rose's doctor and she told us that now was the time to spend some last laughs with her. She said that Joan always spoke so highly of her grandchildren and I would agree. She loved each one of those boys more than they will probably ever know. We quickly filed into her room and sat with her. We were chatting and enjoying some good company. The church where Roger's parents and grandparents attend is also an hour away but both pastors made it a point to come see us again. We sat with them and chatted and laughed once again with Grandma Rose. Pastor Brian said his goodbyes and asked Pastor Jim to say a prayer. Emotions started to fly. The prayer simply hit some of us hard and we were left in tears knowing that soon this would all come to an end. Shortly after both pastors left us, Joan decided she wanted to take a nap. She started to close her eyes and drift off, only to wake up yelling for Wendall, her husband. It was rough listening to her tell him that she couldn't carry this anymore as she called her name out each time. Each time she called, he answered. She was in pain. The nurses quickly came over and added more pain medicine to her so she would be calm. As did called for Wendall several more times, the pain of losing someone you love finally hit Roger. His mom was right there for him. She picked him up and held him in her arms. It was a beautiful moment.

Eventually, everything settled down and the clock was turning to 11:00PM. We were all exhausted. Grandma Rose was not in pain, she was just sleeping in her bed. Not sure of what the future would hold, Roger, Reid and I decided that we would go into the waiting room and make a bed and sleep for a couple of hours. I am not sure how but eventually we drifted off. We were side by side in each other's arms fast asleep. Around 12:45AM Beth came into the room to wake us. She said in a very calm voice, " It is over, Grandma passed away." We were still wiping the sleep from our eyes when she asked if we wanted to go and say our final goodbyes. Roger knowing that I am not comfortable with things like that left to say goodbye with Reid and I were chatting about what happened. Ryan was fast asleep on the couch above us. None of us reacted the way that I thought we would react. Roger came back into the waiting room, handed me my purse and we left to go back home.

It was a silent ride home. There was fog everywhere. It was very hard to see. It was a dark and dreary kind of night, perfect for what just happened. However, I could not think that dark, foggy, and rainy weather was the right weather for what just happened. If it was up to me, I would have planned for sun and beautiful weather. All I could think about was Grandma Rose meeting her Savior. The very God that created her, that knew her before He laid the foundations of this earth. I could see her meeting Him, she wasn't in a wheel chair, she wasn't walking, she was running arms wide open to her Savior. Oh the sun shone in my heart! It is such a beautiful thought knowing that someone is meeting the very God that I am worshipping today.

I am sure that at some point in the near future we will deal with sadness again. There will be crying and hurting families but for today while the world is calm around me, I am holding onto that image of Grandma Rose running to Christ. I know she is watching us. I know that she will be thrilled to see Roger and I get married from her heavenly view. I know that she is in a better place and that with time we will heal and will learn the new routine of our life without her. But she will never be forgotten. She will always be loved and always be missed.

Continue to pray for Roger and his family. The funeral, calling hours, and burial service is this Saturday. We would greatly appreciate your prayers.

A little of this...A little of that

There is so much going on. I am starting to feel the stress of the next 5 weeks. I can feel it building up on my shoulders, my heart, and my attitude. I have one more day of break and then it's back to the grind of things. I have so many thoughts going on in my head so I am just going to touch on each issue that seems to be close to my heart right now...

This weekend Roger and I went back to his house. We had a wonderful time with his family, especially his brothers. We were able to spend a lot of quality time with them as we drove back and forth from the hospital. I love watching their personalities. I love how they interact together. I love when they turn on their favorite song and sing all of the words, at the top of their lungs. I just sit back and soak it all in. I couldn't love it more. I cannot wait until our kids our playing together. I just love all of them so much.

I mentioned a hospital above because we spent a large amount of time visiting Roger's Grandma Rose. She is in the ICU. It does not look promising for her. We sat and chatted with her and she does not seem the same. She talked about the ceiling falling on her and seeing children run around. She doesn't seem to know what is going on. It is really sad. We aren't sure how much longer she will make it. It is a new experience for me. I am not used to dealing with death. I am praying that if the time comes soon for Grandma Rose that I will be able to comfort Roger. Pray with me, please.

This weekend I was also able to catch up with some of my favorite people! As I piled into a very familiar minivan and was all buckled in, my sweet "sister", said to everyone, "We are all together again" Cadi knows just how to pull on my heart strings. I just love that little girl so much. It is so nice to be in good company. It doesn't matter to me if I am holding 3 different little hands walking through a dollar store, I just love being around good solid families. What a blessing!

And finally my spring break comes to an end. Tuesday I go back to school for 5 more weeks!! It is going to fly by but it is also going to be some of the hardest weeks for me. Please pray for me as I balance everything in my life. I am planning on enjoying my last day by doing a tad bit of homework and spending the day with my family. One day at a time!