New Start

Today I started my very first day at Binghamton University. I was very overwhelmed as I pulled into the parking lot. I had a very hard time finding a place to park, but nevertheless, here I am! Even though I am parked a good ways away from campus. I love starting new things. I love the smell of new notebooks and brand new syllabi in front of me on my desk. I also get very anxious; I never know what to expect! I am however, learning to let God be in complete control. After a whole summer of not having a car and not knowing if I will have a car, I have learned to completely trust God. I have learned, like many times before, that His ways are better than mine. One would think that this lesson need only to be learned once, but that is not the case. God continues to teach me and stretch me. So far, I am up to the challenge! I am excited to see what God will do with my new school, my new classes, and my new schedule. I am trusting Him and I know that I cannot be disappointed!

The Tough Questions...

Lately, I have been feeling this overwhelming struggle to face some tough questions in my life. I have pushed them off as much as possible as I was afraid to face the music. To make a long story short, Saturday, I said goodbye to a dear friend of mine. I was heartbroken and in tears. On my 30 minute drive to my boyfriend's house, I spent it crying out to God. I was so anger. It seems to me that saying goodbye to this friend awoken something in me. I questioned God and even doubted that He knew what was going on in my life. There were no more tears until Sunday night. Roger and I sat in his living room with all the lights off watching a thunderstorm. It was then that I shared my doubts about God. All of my life, I have heard people say things like, "it happens for a reason," "God will work everything out for good," "God is fair and just," and I confessed that I don't believe that those sayings are true. I felt so awful as I said those things. All my life I have heard those things, I have even said those things to other people but I am not sure if I ever believed it. That is what make me most upset. In our Christian world, people say little sayings all the time but do they actually believe it? Sure they believe it when its someone else who is struggling but when it is there own life do they actually believe that God is fair and just. That's where I am. Do I actual believe it? Sure, I know in my head that it is true. I have read the scriptures, I have spent time in prayer, but now I need to bring it down to my heart. These issues need to be heart issues. I know these things are true but now I need to make them true in my life. I am not sure if any of this even makes sense to you who are reading this, but that's what on my heart. I long to be closer to God and I know that asking some tough questions will eventually bring me to the face of Jesus.