It's Been Awhile

I know. I haven't posted a "real" post in quite some time. I wish I could write everything down that was going on in my head but  I cannot. Somethings cannot be said on the world wide web.

 Everything is going well here in North Carolina.

Roger and I have been married for 3 months and we still love it. Everyday is a new adventure for us that only brings us closer and closer.

No, I haven't found a job yet. I am waiting to hear back from this insurance company but it may be awhile because they are very busy with the clean up from Irene. Roger and I are trusting that God will provide and every time I think of the word "job" I instantly turn it over to Him.

I still do not sleep well at night. I am really struggling with that. I want to fall asleep without any help and just enjoy being rested but it has not come yet.

My mom has come and gone and I desperately wish she was here all the time. Yes, I wish she lived next store to me.

My brother is in Afghanistan and there is not a day that I do not get sick to my stomach thinking about him being over there. I miss him. I want him home and I am sure his wife feels the same way.

I am enjoying the company of my best friend, Shannon. There is something completely refreshing about our relationship. I thank God daily that she and her husband are in my life.

God is in control of all of my situations and I am learning that slowly but surely. Life is a learning process, you know?

T-Shirts

I have been following Kim's blog for some time now and have helped donate in the past when she was making her trip to Africa. Now, I am thrilled to read that her and her family have decided to adopt not 1 but 2 girls from Ethiopia! How exciting is that?

She is currently doing a T-Shirt Fundraiser and her shirts are awesome. If you want to help her and her family out, I would encourage you to visit her blog to get involved.

I knew you wanted to practice James 1:27 this morning :)

Insomnia

in·som·ni·a/inˈsämnēə/

Noun: Habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep

Yup, that's what I have. I cannot fall asleep and even if I do fall asleep I cannot stay asleep

I toss and turn all night long and cannot seem to get a decent's night sleep.  When I wake up I give my night's sleep over to God and beg Him to allow me to sleep and I do not. I cannot do this anymore. 

I have no idea what I am supposed to do. 

I need to sleep.

Any ideas to help?

And no I will not try warm milk. The idea makes me want to throw up. 

My Mom is Coming!

My mom is on her way down here to North Carolina!! I am beyond excited. I knew she would be coming this weekend because she picked the date while I was still leaving in New York. I have been counting down the days on my calendar and it is finally here.

Some people may not be too excited to have their mother visit but that is not me. I wish she would just pick up her stuff and move down here already. {Maybe by this time next year...} I cannot wait to show my mom where I live, shop, and spend my time. I am so excited for her to see my apartment and how I have decorated. It is almost like it is my chance to show her how well she did raising me and how proud she should be of my life here.

Today I have spent the day cleaning and organizing. The entire house has been cleaned from top to bottom. There are candles lit and soon there will be homemade cookies to enjoy. There is something wonderful about all of these things but what is more wonderful is that my mom will be able to enjoy them with me. She will be here tomorrow morning {or tonight if I can convince her to drive all the way} and spend a few days here. I don't have a lot planned just some shopping trips, local state park, dinner with my best friends and my mom, and visiting.

I am sure it will be a great time for her and for me. I cannot wait to finally see her! But until then I need to dig through my cooking magazine that just came and organize some recipes and do some dinner prep for tomorrow.  Life is grand isn't it?

My mom, Doreen, and I at John and Shannon's wedding!

Birth Mothers Do Care

At this adoption conference, I went to a session called "In The Mind of a Birth Mother." Before I dive into what I learned, let me tell you what I thought I knew about birth mothers and how that view has been dramatically change.

I imagined a birth mother as woman who has the worst life. I imagined that she drank, does drugs, and sleeps around. I imagine that she isn't able to hold a steady job and definitely does not have prior children. I imagine that she wakes up next to different guys all the time and prays that she isn't pregnant. She may even be in high school and may have slept with her high school boyfriend. Either way, she is not the kind of woman that I want to rub shoulders with.

That is what I thought before I entered this session and I bet if you were honest with yourself you would agree with some of my judgements. Here's what I learned about Birth Mothers...

A birth mother is someone who carried a child for 9 months and gives that child up for adoption. (That I knew...) What I never thought of was how she reached this decision. I watched a video by Bethany Christian Services with real birth mothers who told their story. The journey of a birth mother is incredible. It has often been said that a birth mother does not care for her child and that is why she gives them up. It's the complete opposite! A birth mother cares so much for her child. She has to make the decision that she is not able to care for the child. This means denying herself the rights to her child. She knows that she cannot offer the child the right kind of life, sure she could live selfishly and decided to keep that child but she doesn't. She knows she cannot care for the child so she does the next best thing and carries that child to term and then allow someone else to care for that child. She may want to keep the child but she knows that in the long run this will only hurt the child.

One of the things that the video pointed out was that the birth mother's greatest fear is she will have no contact with her child after she places it for adoption. A birth mother wants to know that her child is safe, after all, she is the one who decided to give the child up. And trust me, these services make sure that this decision is what the mother wants. You need to understand (and I needed to as all) that the birth mother does care for her child and does want some degree of contact with the child and even the adoptive parents.

The video shared some myths and facts about birth mothers that I want to share here. 

Myth- A birth mother could show up on my door step if I chose an open adoption.

Fact- The chances of that happening are slim, extremely slim. Birth mothers in this video said that they have already made the choice to give up their child to someone who can take better care of them, so why would they want to ruin the chance that their child is comfortable by showing up.

Myth- Your child will be screwed up with an open adoption because of two moms. They won't be able to tell the difference.

Fact- That's not the case at all. The social worker said, give your child credit. They understand that they have 2 sets of grandparents, they will understand 2 mothers. Also, it is good for the child to know about the birth mother, it helps puts the puzzle pieces together in their mind. The social worker said that a 5 year old explained the different mom's this way. "My birth mom is the one who grew me inside her tummy then she gave me to my mom who is taking care of me because my birth mom cannot." 

The social worker presented some statistics as well. She said that 3% of mothers want a closed adoption. This normally is the case for someone who is raped. She said that 97% of birth mothers want at least some information on their child. It helps them know that they made the right choice. 90% of birth mothers would like to meet the adoptive parents. You need to remember that birth mothers want peace of mind from their decision. They want to know that their child is in the best hands possible, which is why the social worker said that closed adoptions are not happening. She said she places maybe one closed adoption a year compared to almost 40 semi or open adoptions. The social worker said that as adoptive parents you have the amazing opportunity to give your birth mother peace of mind and let her know that she did make the right decision. 

With all of this being said, just remember how hard it was for the birth mother to come to this decision. She had to come to the conclusion that she is not capable of caring for a child then she had to hand pick you from hundreds of profiles. She most likely will want some contact either pictures or letters maybe a phone call but she will leave the parenting to you. She made the decision for you to parent her child. She wants what is best for her baby. Just remember that.

I now have the upmost respect for birth mothers. You should too. 

Random Fact- In North Carolina, the birth mother has 7 days to take the child back after she signs over her rights. And the social worker said that she has seen maybe one a year where this happens. Of course, I am talking about infants in this situation. Most children who are older are in foster care and the parent has already left them behind.

Tragic Beauty

Just imagine that you are in the middle of your favorite sports arena for your favorite team, for us it would be the Red Sox, you have this overwhelming feeling knowing that all of these people are here for one reason-to see them win. We wear our jerseys and baseball hats, we take pictures of everything, and we high five the person next to us when they score.

Now imagine that all of these people are not fighting for their favorite team to win but rather are defending someone- the fatherless, the orphan. Imagine that you are surrounded by hundreds of believers who have adopted children domestically and internationally, children with special needs, older children, and children of different skin color. Imagine that everyone around you believes in orphan care-welcome to my weekend. I had the privilege of going to Pure Religion Conference that was sponsored by Colonial Baptist Church in Cary, North Carolina. We had speakers like Dan Cruver from Together for Adoption. We enjoyed music by Geoff Moore and hearing his story of adopting his little girls. What a weekend. My heart is bursting at the seams.

I have so much that I want to say but I believe I will have to write a few posts. I want to share with you somethings that I learned from the opening session then in the next few days, I will write about the workshops. So let me share with you what I learned...

Adoption is tragic beauty. It is tragic because some child had to lose his parents but it is beauty because some family got the joy of hand picking that child to be in their family. This is deeper than adopting a child, it is the simple story of Christ's love for us. My adoption into the kingdom of Christ is a tragic beauty. I disowned my father, I sinned against Him, I had hate in my heart. And what does He do? He picks up my pieces, my life and places me back together; welcoming me into His kingdom. I am not Fatherless. I have been adopted. When one stops and realizes this they should fall to their knees in adoration of this Maker. We have been adopted. We are saved. Adopting a child is a physical picture of the spiritual picture that Christ has drawn for us.

Now look at James 1:26-27 and be amazed. What I learned from Pastor Davey, the head pastor as Colonial, is that James is not writing to brand new believers, he is writing to those who are already strong in their faith. (This makes me understand why some Christians simply do not get adoption, they aren't there yet in their spiritually journey) James is saying that pure religion in the sight of God, not man, is to visit the orphans and widows in their distress. Now visit (that's the word used in my ESV Bible) means organized care, to strengthen someone. The pastor said that that word "visit" and the meaning of organized care is only use two other times in the Bible and it refers to Christ visiting us. Wow. So we are called as Christians to have organized care towards orphans and widows. And guess what he said? Adopting a child does not exempt you from this. Just because you did something amazing one time, doesn't mean your off the hook. He also said that adoption is not for everyone but orphan care is for everyone.

A different pastor went on to say that God funds what He favors. Did you get that? Yup, God funds those things that He favors. How many stories do you know of people just donating thousands of dollars to help someone bring home a child? I know many and I strongly believe that when you are in God's word, doing what God has called us to do, God will provide.

One of the exhibits gave 10 ways that every Christian can help the orphan or waiting child. And honestly, it doesn't sound like God is giving us an option. It sounds like He is commanding us to do something...

1- Pray for them. Tape a waiting child's picture on your dashboard and pray for them.
2- Speak up for them.
3- Provide for their needs. Give sacrificially (make it hurt...) to a reputable orphanage or someone who is adopting.
4- Support those who are already supporting the orphans.
5- Protect them from harm. Become a foster parent, adopt, raise money to help a children's home remove children from the streets. www.ebenzerfamily.org
6- Visit them where they are. Go on a mission trip. (This is where my heart is... I want to go!!) Take a dinner to a foster group home.
7-Give sacrificially. www.showhope.org or www.abbafund.org 
8- Encourage them to press on. Sponsor a child and offer hope.
9- Adopt them into your home
10- Mobilize your church for them.

If you looked through that list and thought that there is nothing that you can do for them, then you need to get into the Word. You need to strengthen your faith and realize how close adoption is to God's heart, after all He did adopt you.

 I will not apologize for being honest and stepping on someone's toes. The truth must be heard and I will speak for the Fatherless. I will do everything that I can to defend these children, after all did they have a choice? No one asked them to become orphans. Just remember that.

More on this conference to come...

It's Conference Time

Tonight I am going to enjoy the teachings of Geoff Moore at the Pure Religion Adoption Conference. I am beyond excited. I know that this will be a great time for me to learn and grow about orphans. My heart is passionate about adopting and I cannot wait to be surrounded by others who feel the same. 

There are so many workshops to pick from but I think that I have narrowed it down. Many of the workshops deal with families that are already in the midst of adopting but I found three workshops that are going to be a real treat.

Church’s Response to the African Orphan Crisis – Uganda

Attachment & Trauma Part II: Healing: Be Still and Know That I Am God

The Mind Of A Birthmother

There will also be a number of organizations there to help answer any questions about adoption and the next steps. I am thrilled that God has given me this opportunity. I hope that He changes me and my heart through these next couple of days. I am sure I will post after I finish the conference. 

Love/Hate Relationship

You know what I hate?

I hate...

... being alone on a Sunday evening.
... not knowing how to fix the TV with no sound.
... not being able to reach the fan to turn it off when I am cold.
... watching the Red Sox Game alone.
... thoughts that keep me up at night.
... working through forgiveness.
... waiting to hear back from a job.
... filling out applications.
... the little bugs that are randomly found in my house.
... being alone during a storm.


You know what I love?

I love...

... when I get to put new candles in my candle jar.
... the smell of febreeze on my tidy couch.
... the smell of fresh laundry.
... making good meals for my husband.
... a bed that is made.
... the sound of the dishwasher running.
... being able to give my toes a little TLC with a fresh coat of nail polish.
... knowing that everything is organized, although it can always be reorganized.
... texting with my mom for an hour because we are both lonely.
... a fresh inbox on my email account.
... that all of my credit and debit cards are coming with my new last name.
... that no matter what I am going through, God is there. He knows and He is guiding me.

Roger and I at the beach a few weekends ago. 

Less Is More

As you read yesterday, I am guarding at a country club and there is some down time where I get to read. Unfortunately, I haven't found the public library so I had to dig through my shelves to see if there was a book that I haven't read a few times through...

Luckily, I did find one. My mom bought me a book on my twenty-first birthday. It is titled, "What I Know Now-Letter's to my Younger Self"  It is a book of short stories if you will, from women to themselves during their younger years. 

I finally picked it up and started to read it. And you won't believe the quote that I found. It is almost like they stole it from my head... 

"Less is more principle, I can't bear cluttered closets. A cluttered cupboard is cluttered mind." -Rachel Ashwell Creator of Shabby Chic. (I have never heard of Shabby Chic) 

The quote is what I feel all the time. I know this is a stretch but the principle. "Less is more" is what I am trying to live my life by, in everything. I live by the 6 month rule. If you haven't used it in 6 months, throw it out! Of course there are exceptions, like holiday decor or special memories. I will admit that while I do have ever letter Roger has ever written to me, I did just throw out the flowers from our dating years because of the clutter.  

I think this principle it key to the lifestyle I want to live. I cannot say that my ultimate goal in life is to have a very homey house or the nicest items because maybe that is not what I am called to have. I am not sure what I am called to have. I do not have cluttered closets, I do not have cluttered cupboards, but I feel like I have a cluttered mind. I want to live in this principle of "less is more" but to what extent am I willing to go to? Do I give up everything? I do not know the answer.

I am sorry if this blog post is confusing and all over the place. I am trying to figure things out and when I do that I feel like I need to write but I do feel bad that I need to put my readers through this randomness called my thoughts. So bear with me, maybe I will figure things out in a logical order. Although, I doubt it... 

Until next time...

Disgusted-

I am disgusted.

Completely disgusted.

As you know, Roger and I moved to North Carolina without jobs. It was a scary thing to do but we are trusting that God will provide. And He has, I have been able to find temporary work guarding at a country club. And this is what disgusts me.

The country club that I guard for is for member's only but to be a member costs a pretty penny. To be a member of this country club, the fee is well over $20,000. Yes you read twenty-thousand dollars. It is some ridiculous high end country club. Everyone drives a BMW or more expensive cars. Children run around with their parent's credit cards going up to the food stand demanding service. They feel privileged. I feel pain for them.

The lifeguards that I guard with are just as bad. They also drives BMW's and feel like the world owes them everything. Yesterday, I had to listen to a few of the girl guards talk about their shopping habits and how they can drop a thousand dollars of Daddy's money in just a few hours.  They have no respect for adults and feel like swear words are the only way that they can communicate.

And here I am, in my little corner, and the only thing I can think about it is how this is all a waste. Children are dying overseas, they need water and here we are spending thousands of dollars on country club memberships. And I know that many of you reading this do not belong to a country club but it always makes me think about what things on my level am I buying that isn't a necessity?

It's a nice reminder for me to put things into perspective. I just feel so disgusted and I have no idea what I am supposed to do with these feelings. I love that He puts these things in my path so that I am forced to look at what is necessary in life.