I went to church today expecting nothing but a good message but what I got out of it was life changing.
I knew our pastor was preaching on forgiveness and grace but I did not know it would change my life.
"For if you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their sins, neither will your Father forgive your sins" Matthew 6:14-15
Read it again. Slowly. See what Jesus is saying.
Our pastor shared several thoughts after reading that passage to us...
~ If you don't trust Christ then you won't be able to forgive
~ If you accept Christ's forgiveness then you will be able to offer forgiveness to others
~ If you can't forgive others, then do you actually have Christ?
~ If you do not forgive others, you are saying that the Cross is not sufficient
And then I lost it in my heart. Tears flowed down my face as I quickly tried to wipe them away so my friends did not see how moved I was. (Crazy right?)
That passage of scripture and points from my pastor, changed me. It did not come overnight, forgiveness never does, but it has been brewing in my heart for quite some time. How can I claim to know Christ, love His forgiveness for me and not forgive others?
I. am. ashamed.
Today I did something that has been months, dare I say years in the making? I wrote an email to my step-father and forgave him. The details of that email are private but I feel at peace. It is something that Christ has commanded me to do and I followed through.
Today there is peace in my heart. My God has restored me and I believe He will restore my relationship with my step-father. How dare I withhold forgiveness when Christ has given me so much?
The power of being forgiven and forgiving others is overwhelming wonderful. It is enough to bring you to your knees again and again.
As soon as the link is up for the message I heard today, I will share it. It is life changing.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Momentous Monday
I am linking up with Tiffany's Momentous Monday. You can check out her blog here.
It was one of those moments that caught me completely off guard. I did not realize how closely my husband pays attention to my odd habits.
He was filling the dishwasher and getting ready to start it when he looked over at me and gave me that look.
I shot a glare back and asked him, "what was that look for?"
He answered, " I know how much you love to squeeze the gel into the holder, do you want to do it?"
My jaw dropped and out came deep laughters. I was laughing so hard I had to hold myself up at the kitchen sink. Roger was also laughing at me. I told him that he was crazy, that I do not really care about squeezing the gel into the holder. But he knows me, oh does he know me. He told me that he sees the excitement I get out of it and that there is something so magical for me to watch the blue stuff get squeezed out of the bottle.
And guess what?
He. was. right.
I love squeezing the gel into the holder. I cannot explain it, I really can't. I am an odd one and I will be the first to admit it.
My moment this week is silly but it really shows me how much this man loves me. He really pays attention to me. Roger is my everything and I cannot imagine life without him.
It was one of those moments that caught me completely off guard. I did not realize how closely my husband pays attention to my odd habits.
He was filling the dishwasher and getting ready to start it when he looked over at me and gave me that look.
I shot a glare back and asked him, "what was that look for?"
He answered, " I know how much you love to squeeze the gel into the holder, do you want to do it?"
My jaw dropped and out came deep laughters. I was laughing so hard I had to hold myself up at the kitchen sink. Roger was also laughing at me. I told him that he was crazy, that I do not really care about squeezing the gel into the holder. But he knows me, oh does he know me. He told me that he sees the excitement I get out of it and that there is something so magical for me to watch the blue stuff get squeezed out of the bottle.
And guess what?
He. was. right.
I love squeezing the gel into the holder. I cannot explain it, I really can't. I am an odd one and I will be the first to admit it.
My moment this week is silly but it really shows me how much this man loves me. He really pays attention to me. Roger is my everything and I cannot imagine life without him.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Loving Others
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandement greater than these." Mark 12:30-31
I was recently challenged by these verses after completely the book, "Kisses from Katie" Katie has a video that goes along with ehr book and it really made me think of these verses, especially the part that reads, love your neighbor as yourself.
I do not want to be hungry.
I do not want to be cold.
I do not want to be naked.
I do not want to know pain.
I do want to be sick.
I do want to be alone.
I do want to be without...
If I am to love my neighbor as myself, then wouldn't I take care of my basic needs as well as helping others out? If I am hungry, I feed myself. If I am cold, I get a blanket. If I am without, I get it. So why is that when I see my neighbor hungry, I walk right by? Why is tt that when I see the lonely orphan, I turn my face. Why is that when I see people without, I feel sorry for them and do nothing.
I would never treat myself this way. In fact, I often spoil myself and make sure that I am more than comfortable. I wish I would have realized the true meaning of these verses sooner in life. I have wasted so much time on me. I am a selfish human being. I was selfish as a teenager, always wanting what was best for me. I was selfish in college, thinking that I had it worse than others. I am selfish now as I buy groceries week after week and do not stop about the family struggling next to me.
I do not think of my neighbors as much as I should. I do not love people like Jesus does, I am ashamed. I am humbled that my Lord has not given up on me. I am so thankful for his grace as He allows me to figure this out again and again.
I was recently challenged by these verses after completely the book, "Kisses from Katie" Katie has a video that goes along with ehr book and it really made me think of these verses, especially the part that reads, love your neighbor as yourself.
I do not want to be hungry.
I do not want to be cold.
I do not want to be naked.
I do not want to know pain.
I do want to be sick.
I do want to be alone.
I do want to be without...
If I am to love my neighbor as myself, then wouldn't I take care of my basic needs as well as helping others out? If I am hungry, I feed myself. If I am cold, I get a blanket. If I am without, I get it. So why is that when I see my neighbor hungry, I walk right by? Why is tt that when I see the lonely orphan, I turn my face. Why is that when I see people without, I feel sorry for them and do nothing.
I would never treat myself this way. In fact, I often spoil myself and make sure that I am more than comfortable. I wish I would have realized the true meaning of these verses sooner in life. I have wasted so much time on me. I am a selfish human being. I was selfish as a teenager, always wanting what was best for me. I was selfish in college, thinking that I had it worse than others. I am selfish now as I buy groceries week after week and do not stop about the family struggling next to me.
I do not think of my neighbors as much as I should. I do not love people like Jesus does, I am ashamed. I am humbled that my Lord has not given up on me. I am so thankful for his grace as He allows me to figure this out again and again.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
The Divide in my Heart
I received Katie Davis's book "Kisses from Katie" for Christmas. I honestly thought it would be a good read and that I would learn about her ministry. I wasn't expecting to sob through the book or to relate to her story so well.
Katie is serving in Uganda. She is a mother to 14, a single mother in a third world country. She abandoned her perfectly "normal" American life. She had plans to go to college and marry her high school sweetheart . Now she is completely devoted to God's plan for her life in Uganda.
As she writes her book, I can feel the tension and peace that she feels. She is at complete peace with her life in Uganda. She is loving orphans, caring for the sick, and feeding the hungry. She feels the closest to God in this world. But on the other side, you can feel her tension. Living in Uganda is not the normal everyone has planned for her. It's like there is this divide in her heart.
I feel this divide in my heart. Sometimes I feel so at peace about packing up and moving to a third world country to care for others. It is soothing to think about. I dream about those brown-eyed children staring at me and how I spend my nights crying out to God asking for His guidance. How my relationship oriented husband would strive in this type of environment.
But then I feel the tension growing inside of me. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I could not possibly move to a third world country. This feeling tells me that I deserve to raise a family here in the States, that I should just stay where I am and not make any decisions. This feeling also tells me that my family would never understand, that my husband couldn't be that far from his family and his normal. This feeling tells me that when the time is right, we will adopt and maybe do a mission trip to a foreign country and that should be enough. But even the idea of just doing those simple things doesn't give me peace.
I have never felt a divide like this in my life. I have never had my heart torn into pieces like it is now. There are people all around me who are doing the right things, they are adopting, they are donating, they are caring for others and they seem at peace. Are they though? Or is it that their time will come and God will wreck them for something more? Why is God allowing my heart to explode like this?
I do not have answers but eventually I will. I keep telling my husband that I strongly believe in 10 years our lives will be completely different. My prayer is that that actually happens. I do not know what our lives will look like in 10 years but I hope it is different than the normal everyone expects. I pray God has us at peace wherever we are.
Katie is serving in Uganda. She is a mother to 14, a single mother in a third world country. She abandoned her perfectly "normal" American life. She had plans to go to college and marry her high school sweetheart . Now she is completely devoted to God's plan for her life in Uganda.
As she writes her book, I can feel the tension and peace that she feels. She is at complete peace with her life in Uganda. She is loving orphans, caring for the sick, and feeding the hungry. She feels the closest to God in this world. But on the other side, you can feel her tension. Living in Uganda is not the normal everyone has planned for her. It's like there is this divide in her heart.
I feel this divide in my heart. Sometimes I feel so at peace about packing up and moving to a third world country to care for others. It is soothing to think about. I dream about those brown-eyed children staring at me and how I spend my nights crying out to God asking for His guidance. How my relationship oriented husband would strive in this type of environment.
But then I feel the tension growing inside of me. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I could not possibly move to a third world country. This feeling tells me that I deserve to raise a family here in the States, that I should just stay where I am and not make any decisions. This feeling also tells me that my family would never understand, that my husband couldn't be that far from his family and his normal. This feeling tells me that when the time is right, we will adopt and maybe do a mission trip to a foreign country and that should be enough. But even the idea of just doing those simple things doesn't give me peace.
I have never felt a divide like this in my life. I have never had my heart torn into pieces like it is now. There are people all around me who are doing the right things, they are adopting, they are donating, they are caring for others and they seem at peace. Are they though? Or is it that their time will come and God will wreck them for something more? Why is God allowing my heart to explode like this?
I do not have answers but eventually I will. I keep telling my husband that I strongly believe in 10 years our lives will be completely different. My prayer is that that actually happens. I do not know what our lives will look like in 10 years but I hope it is different than the normal everyone expects. I pray God has us at peace wherever we are.
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