.Far from my mind.

I get it all the time...

"How are the wedding plans coming?"

I answer. "Oh they are good. We just ordered flowers, sent out our invitations, and are plugging away."

It is true. We did order flowers. We are plugging away at the details. But wedding plans are not really on my mind... dare I say it?

I am graduating Business School in May. (One week before the wedding). I have a thousand projects to do. Not little projects, big massive, group presentation projects. They  keep me busy beyond belief.

I am also leaving my job of 6 years. Not for any bad reason but because Roger and I are moving to North Carolina. However, since I am leaving, I have to find someone to replace me. I have to prep the Y for the whole summer to make sure they would be fine if we cannot find anyone. This requires scheduling upon scheduling upon scheduling. It is a lot of work and stress.

Since we are moving, we are also dealing with all of "that" stuff. You know, finding an apartment, applying, moving down their, expenses, and of course, getting a job in North Carolina in Accounting. This is the kind of stress that I enjoy but at the same time it is still stress.

Then there are some very personal issues going on in my family. These things I am not at liberty to talk about but they have shaken me and my other loved ones. These problems are the type of problems that I lose sleep over, almost every night. These are the problems that can instantly make me throw up because I am so worried. These are the problems that haunt me as I enter into the marriage covenant with Roger. These problems are the stress that I never wanted to deal with but have been forced to face them.

As you can see, wedding plans are far from my mind. Sometimes, I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there until the world is safe again. I want to forget wedding plans, jobs, moving, and personal problems. I mean don't we all?

I'll keep pushing forward, looking to Him for help, strength, and guidance. After all, once this chapter closes in my life, I am going to miss it? Right?

.5% of God's Heart.

I am still working my way through David Platt's book Radical. It is simply, eye opening. When I was reading through chapter 4 the other day I came across something that I need to share. At first, I wasn't sure that writing about this was a good idea because I am going to step on some toes but then again when did Jesus beat around the bush to make His point?

We have heard it said many times in our Christian circles, " I have a heart for the United States." "My heart is here in the US while others are called to serve else where, I am set here." "How can I help the rest of the world when there are starving, dying, sinners here in my very town?"

All great statements. I am not going to advocate that there should be no ministry within the US. I am not going to say that people shouldn't adopt from the US or help the needy here in our very towns. I am just going to share with you something from this book. Take it as you may, for me and my life it is continuing to change me.

"Others may say God has given me a heart for US. These statements sound spiritual, but when we prove deeper, they seem more like smoke screens. They are smoke screens because most of us really are not very concerned about the needs right around us. Most Christians rarely share the gospel and most Christian's schedules are not heavily weighted to feed the hungry, helping the sick, and strengthening the church in the neediest places in our country. But even if we were doing these things, we would still be overlooking a foundational biblical truth when we say our hearts are for the US. As we have seen all over  Scripture, God's heart is for the world. So when we say we have a heart for the US, we are admitting that we have a meager 5% of God's heart and WE ARE PROUD OF IT. When we say we have a heart for the city we live in, we confess that we have less than 1% of God's heart!"

I do not know about you but I never want to only have 5% of God's heart.  We say all the time that we want what God wants but we really don't. We want what we want within our safe circles. It is disgusting. I am ashamed. I am not even sure what the next step is here. I think the first step is being completely aware of this concept and making a conscious effort to change.

Lord~ I am now aware, help me to change. Do not let me go back to the way I was.