Our Pastor started the message with a disclaimer that without the Holy Spirit living and actively working in you, your marriage will not be what it is supposed to be. Marriage should be a story of the gospel of Christ played out in our lives. It should show grace, forgiveness, love, and tenderness among other things.
The message really made me want to evaluate my marriage with Roger to see how I am doing as a wife. Of course it would be easy to sit here and tell you how he is doing but that's not my job. I went through my book case and pulled out For Women Only, a book that I read before I was married to Roger. I decided to dust it off and take it pool-side for a few hours.
I think God knew that I needed to read this book again. Every page was screaming at me and I am only a few chapters in.
"We as women hold incredible power- and responsibility- in our hands. We have the ability to either build up or tear down our men. We can either strengthen or hobble them in ways that go far beyond our relationship because respect at home affects every area of a man's life" ~Shaunti Feldhahn
That was a great reminder to me. I have been given this amazing gift, yes I count Roger a gift and I should be taken care of him. I have the ability to ruin him. I am his safe zone and I can turn his safe zone into a war zone with just a few words. I have been given a great gift and often times I misuse it.
I often don't think of my words as being powerful but I know that they are sharp and poisonous. I do not think of our home as a safe place for my husband. I have not thought about the fact that when he leaves for work or school each day that I am the one determining his self-worth. I am to be an encourager. I am to be a care giver. I am to be Roger's safe place as God has designed me to be.
But let's be honest, do I feel like doing that after he forgets to tell me how pretty I look when I get dressed up? Do I feel like being his safe zone when I ask him to put his socks away for the hundredth time? Do I feel like respecting him when he isn't meeting my needs? Nope. No way. Not in a million years. I place a conditional statement on Roger, "If" he would only do this... "Then" I would do this...
How wrong am I? My job as a wife is not to be fulfilled by Roger so I can love Roger in return. My job as a wife is to love Roger unconditionally just as Christ loved the church. My job is forgive Roger when he makes a mistake and move on just as Christ forgave me for my sins. (Here's my tangent- Christ forgave me of everything and here I am holding a grudge at Roger. How childish am I in my faith? I mean really... Okay that's enough)
At the end of the day, I am a wife to Roger, I answer to Christ for my actions. I will stand before the throne of God and tell Christ that if Roger was more whatever then I would have been a better wife. I am accountable to God for my actions and it's time that I start believing that.
There is always room to grow in a marriage and I am so thankful that there is that room. I am thankful that God has not given up on me and He is diligently molding me into a woman after His heart. I could do none of this without Christ pouring through my life. Marriage is tough but it has proven to be the most rewarding thing I have done so far.
***I am not sure why I feel the need to do this but I need to put a disclaimer on here, I am not perfect by any means and my marriage is not perfect. I am not trying to single anyone out and make them feel like they are doing something wrong in their marriage. I am not God but if you feel defensive after reading my post maybe that's the Holy Spirit working in you. I come from a family of mulitple divorces, I am not trying to hurt anyone. Marriage is messy and I believe it's helpful for me to get some of my thoughts down.***
