Breaking the Cycle

The cursor on this blog page mocks me as I try to sort through my thoughts tonight.

Sometimes, I just need to write and get it out there. Sometimes when I write I realize how absolutely ridiculous I sound and sometimes when I write I find truth that has been buried in the layers of my heart.

My mind has been busy and has not given me the rest I crave. I have been fighting the schemes of the devil again, doing it alone and failing miserably. I have been trying to resist him and his crafty ways, only to be caught up in his web of lies. 

I have not fought the devil rather I have been deceiving myself into thinking I am. 

I open the Word tonight and read out of 1 John 3:8 "Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil."

Me? Sinning? Sinning with the devil?! Say it isn't so!

You mean the past weeks where I have complained almost in every breathe about everything under the sun? Where I literally broke into tears over the fact that I had to go somewhere to support my husband? Me? Sin? As I sat on my love seat this past weekend purposely avoiding my husband because he didn't love me the way I wanted to? Me? The girl who controls every.single.situation? Whose hands get sweaty when things don't go my way? Oh gosh not me! I am the one who posts Christian things on Facebook and I am the one who has been listening to David Platt at work. I am the one who says everything is great, always great, always strong, never alone, never letting my guard down. 

Not me. Certainly not me. Nope. 

Fail.

And here I sit reading the verse above with the answer in hand. "The reason the Son of God appears was to destroy the works of the devil." And yet, I also sit here alone, scheming some way that I can control my life situations so I don't have to involve Jesus, sure keep Him in my mind and reference Him when I need to but not have control. I mean He came to destroy the works of the Devil, how am I involved in that?

And then a few verses over 1 John 4: 13 " By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us the Spirit."

Jesus in me? The same Jesus that has come to destroy the devil mentioned before?  He abides in me and I in Him? 

He abides in me and I in Him. 

He abides in me and I in Him.

What freedom is in that simple saying! My soul comes alive and my heart jumps as I recall all that He has done for me, all that He has given me, all that the Word promises that He has done for me and will do for me. 

He is my comforter, He battles for me, He overcame death, He makes my heart new, He gives me breathe every morning, He knows my inner thoughts. He is good. He is great. He is the one the choirmaster in Psalms says "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand days elsewhere." He is the one that has pulled me out of situations that are too hard for me to face. He is love and He loves me and has chosen me. He gave me the gift of eternity. 

He abides in me and I in Him.

Everything else seems trivial when I recount His worthiness. 

A time of change has come for me. I am done with the days where my heart is full of anxiety, fear, and complaints.  The Word of God is good and does great things for my soul and it's time to break the cycle these past few weeks and change. It's time to spend lunch hours reading the Bible with a close friend, a time for meaningful prayer, a time to dive into the Word and stop letting people spoon feed it to me, a time to read books that challenge me, a time to ask the hard questions and to look on my Savior as my one true fulfillment. 

A time of change.

And yes, I will need to be reminded of this probably as soon as I shut this computer but that's what community is for. We need each other and we need Jesus. Break the cycle with me? Enough is enough. 

He abides in me and I in Him. 

What a powerful statement. 

What a powerful God.