The Honest Truth...

I used to journal everyday religiously while I was in high school. Whether I was gushing about my latest crush, my best friends, or my family, I was writing; always writing. I continued that trend all the way into college and would even find times to write over the summer even while I was at camp. However, when my mom and step dad decided to get divorced, I stopped. For a while I just blamed it on the fact that I didn't have the time, but that is not the reason. I hate writing. I hate journaling because it forces me to be honest with myself. How can I ignore my own thoughts about my day when they are in my mind. Sure I could lie or leave out facts but then journaling isn't doing what it is supposed to be doing in my life. I miss writing. I think that it is a freeing experience. When I write my thoughts and know that I have said what I want to say, I feel relaxed. I feel as if I do not have to carry all of these problems around in my head. I feel like I am almost giving them away and in a sense, I am turning them over to God. So why haven't I been writing? Is it the honesty of it all, probably. But this weekend I found out that my boyfriend writes. He is a journaler (if that is a word). He just recently started but he writes to free himself as well. If you knew my beloved Roger you would be shocked! He hates to write. Making him write a paper is like pulling teeth, but reading what is really on his heart, just melts you. I figured if he can do it, I definitely can...

So what to write about? Oh the choices are endless. I have so many thoughts running through my head. I think that I will settle on God's forgiveness. If there ever was a topic that I felt comfortable talking about it would be God's forgiveness in my life. I have and am still struggling with these Christian phrases that people use all the time. You know like God is Good All the Time and God allows everything to happen for a reason, those sayings that people tell you to make you feel better. Please don't get my wrong. I think that these are great things to say but I am working on believing them. And trust me that is a whole different post. For now though, I do know that God's forgiveness is amazing. I believe that He forgives you for all of your sins, that no sin is too great that He won't forgive. I know this because God has forgiven me from a multitude of sins, as far as the East is from the West. He has forgiven me. It is something that I often take for granted. Who doesn't? But isn't it amazing that He doesn't give up on us and keeps forgiving us for the same problems? It's ironic to me because we ask that our children give us first time obedience. We sing this song with the little boy that I live with that says something like I will obey the first time, never asking why and never with a sigh. He knows that if he does not obey the very first time that He will have a punishment. God asks the same thing of us and yet we mess up with the same sin all the time. We know that there is a punishment but we are like most toddlers and we just do not care. We will sin anyways. That's amazing. We demand obedience from our children and God demands it from us and we take Him less seriously. What if we applied that first time obedience factor to our own lives? If we obeyed the first time then we wouldn't have to always ask for forgiveness for the same problems! It's a random thought I know, but it is my thought and it is the thought I will carry through the day. First time obedience to God. Just think about it.