Another Week of Thankfulness

I thought I would try and continue my Thankfulness posts and do another week of what I am thankful for.

6- I am thankful for housework.

Oh my husband is probably laughing at me right now about this one but the truth is, I am thankful for house work. I enjoy keeping a clean house, folding laundry, vacuuming and keeping things in order. When I start to complain or think that I cannot start one more load of laundry, I am reminded of that fact that some do not have this opportunity. Some people do not have a home right now because of natural disastrous or because they live in a third world country and don't have this American Luxury. Yes, I am thankful for housework.

7- I am thankful for my in-laws who raised my husband, Beth and Mike.

I met Roger when he was 17 years old, I did not know him for the first 17 years of his life but his parents did. His parents were there for everything. They were there for his first steps, when he needed discipline, his first basketball games, through what I am sure were awkward Jr. High years, through high school and the rest of his life. They guided him to go to church and serve others. They taught him right from wrong and how to love on others. They molded his heart into a passionate man whether Roger decided to show it on the basketball court, towards his brothers, or as he cared for others, they taught him passion. The truth is that they helped make him into the man that I would spend the rest of my life with and for that I am thankful for them. Without Roger's parents being a constant presence in his life, Roger would not be in my life. 

8- I am thankful for my church.

I have said it before and I am sure I will say it again; I am thankful for a church that weekly challenges me. I am thankful for a Pastoral Staff that is not afraid to share the word of God and His truths when other churches would rather not deal with those sticky situations. I am thankful for the body of Christ.

9- I am thankful for my brother, Nathan. 

I could go on and on about what I am thankful for this guy but the truth is, today I am thankful that he gave up 4 years of his life for my freedom. I am thankful for his service to our country. I am thankful for his wife Lorin for all the sacrifices that she has had to make because of my brother's service. I am proud of my brother and the choices he has made. Maybe one day we will be on the same coast! 

10- I am thankful for my youngest bother, Caleb.

Same story, different brother. I am so thankful for Caleb. He has grown into such a wonderful young man. He is hard working and committed. He is always willing to help out and serve others. He has the most tender heart of anyone I know. I am thankful he is my brother, I would be more thankful if he would move to North Carolina (Wink, Wink) 

11- I am thankful for peanut butter cups, homemade peanut butter cups.

Seriously, do I need to say more? 

12- I am thankful that this time next week, I won't be able to blog.

Okay, I may be able to blog but why would I want to when my adorable nephews and favorite couple are coming to visit me? I will be on my belly playing with the boys and enjoying sweet conversation with Dave and Jeanne. 

Thankfulness

November in my opinion is the month of thankfulness and gratitude. There are so many things that I am thankful for and when I think about how blessed I am, I am brought to tears. I thought I would try to weekly post about what I am thankful for. 5 days into November, I am going to come up with 5 things I am thankful for. These are in no particular order :)

1- I am thankful for Skype...

As you know, we moved hundreds of miles away from my family and Skype is a God sent! I love that a simple application can keep my connected with all my family. I look forward to Sunday evening Skype dates with Roger's dad and brothers. I love it when I get a text message saying my nephews would like to Skype with me. I love that I can access it on my phone and in a pinch Skype in the car or at 7:30 in the morning. 

2- I am thankful for my Community Group

I am a shy person when it comes to meeting new people, I hate to open up and share my story. I do not trust easily and I do not like when I am confronted about my sin. The good news is that my Community Group does not care about any of that. They are the most wonderful group of men and women. They genuinely love God and have a desire to see God change their lives. They have stretched me, forced me to share my story, to open up about my life, and gently encouraged me in my walk with Christ. They have opened up their homes to me and even trusted Roger and I with their children. They are a blessing and part of the reason why I love being where we are. 

3- I am thankful for my new friend, Chelsea

There is not a day that goes by that I am not thankful for my new friend. It is so nice to have a friend where I work, she helps me get through those long days. I look forward to our daily breaks and walks to the water station, our Friday lunches, our count downs to 5PM, and our spark conversations throughout the day. We have enjoyed dinner out, walks around the block, recently a trailer grocery store shopping trip and several good conversations. It's truly a blessing to call her my friend. 

4- I am thankful for Christian Music

I am thankful for Christian music. I love listening to K-Love to and from work. I love that a certain song can change my day around. It seems like God always has me listening just at the right moment and the song is something that my heart needs to hear.  

5- I am thankful for my Mom

As you may know, my mom came down for a quick 48 hour trip to NC. I am really thankful that she took time out of her busy life to make the trip down here. We spent a whole weekend shopping and chatting. I loved getting up at 7AM just to sip on coffee and talk with her. She is a wonderful mom to me. It is so hard to not be able to see her every day but it makes our time together so much sweeter. 

Bullet Points

I cannot gather my thoughts to make a simple paragraph to put on my blog. I want to write and then as soon as I do, I hit the delete button because it just doesn't make sense. 

• I am struggling with anxiety
• I cannot sleep at night and when I do sleep, I cannot stay asleep
• I am a perfectionist and it is killing me
• I cannot sit in my living room without thinking I must have something to do
• I worry about the dumbest things at work 
• I am blessed 
• I miss the fall colors and home
• God is preparing me for things that I cannot figure out 
• I feel disconnected from my family
• I need a girl's day
• I need to pick up a good book and actually read it
• I am missing my nephew's 1st birthday and it is killing me
• I am struggling with the reason why we are here and they are there
• I do not feel like I am doing enough for God's kingdom
• I feel defeated and it is 100% Satan

I know that this burden that I am carrying is something that Satan has placed on me. I know I am being tested and that it is during these times that I show my true colors. I need a few hours in the middle of my woods with my Bible and my journal. (Okay not the woods but somewhere peaceful) 

I pray that this week I feel God around me. I pray that God will reveal himself to me. I know God doesn't have to do anything for me and that He never leaves me it is I who leaves Him. Somehow just writing these words down, I feel better. I know God stirs in my heart and is changing me and I welcome that whole-heartedly. I just pray that tonight I sleep and sleep well and if I do not sleep that I spend some time with Christ praying. 

He is the only way for me. I know that. 

Not Satisfied.

"Sin is what you do when your heart is not satisfied with God. No one sins out of duty. We sin because it holds out some promise of happiness.That promise enslaves us until we believed God is more to be desired than life itself" John Piper

Not satisfied with God... my heart is not satisfied. Is that true of me? Am I looking for something that I believe will be more of a promise than the happiness of Jesus Christ? I am constantly batting this idea that I know what is best for me and that God does not. However, I know that is not correct, that it is not biblical. I think of that verse in Romans 7:15 " I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do" 

To mean it almost seems like Paul is giving us an excuse. We don't understand what we do and we hate what we do but what hope is there? I'm not buying this idea of we can do what we want to do and there will be no consequences  I am not buying this idea that everyone should live in perfect lives and not share their struggles. I am not buying that the Christian walk is easy and that every Christian I meet, has it together. I am not buying the fakeness and to be frank the sin that we are all hiding.

Here is the truth about me. I sin when my eyes are not on Jesus. I believe the lie that Satan feeds me that there is something better. I do not understand what I do and I hate it. How do I fix it? I bury my sin and hurt deep and say nothing. I pretend I have it together and continue on with my life. I withdrawal myself from those who love me the most. I do not want others to call me out on my sin.

This is where God is changing me and challenging me. Roger and I have been going to a community group for several months now and they do the opposite of what i want. They ask questions about my life. They ask questions about my struggles  They call me out when I say everything is fine. They let me know that what I am doing is wrong. They make me sweaty and uncomfortable. They make me question what I am doing and most of the time, I hate it.

But then again, I don't hate it. It is what the body of Christ is supposed to do. My community group by no means is perfect but they lovingly help me through my issues while. They do not make me uncomfortable to be mean or to judge but to love and love the way Christ did. The truth is that I need people like this in my life.

We need to be held accountable in our lives. I need to be held accountable. I cannot do this Christian life alone, I was not meant to. After all, Jesus spent his life with 12 men who constantly encouraged and taught each other. Why not do the same?

Great Commission

At night, I lay awake writing blog posts in my head but they never make it on my site. I don't know why I don't write more. It is very therapeutic for me but sometimes I get nervous that what I write will offend others. I am reminded that I am not writing for others but for Him and for what He is doing in my life.

This week was another one of our busy weeks followed by a busy weekend. I will be thankful for my companies year-end to be over and to have some normalcy in my work schedule but that's still a few weeks away...

There was good tucked away in this busy week. Roger and I were able to sit under the teaching of David Platt on Thursday. It was absolutely amazing. David has an amazing way of communicating truth to his audience. I found myself captivated by his every word. The message was on The Will of God but he used the question "If someone never hears the gospel, will they go to heaven?" to answer what the Will of God is for our lives. Basically, the Will of God is the Great Commission. (Really that's the short and sweet of it). I thought David Platt had it right when he said, " We need to stop trying to find the will of God and start following it." David said that there are 2 billion people on the world that have not heard the gospel. We need to follow the will of God into the ends of the earth preaching His gospel.

Ethiopia, Africa 

Something that really struck me was when David was preaching he started to read Romans to us but when I really looked at him, I realized he was quoting Romans! Our friend Alan, said that has the entire book of Romans memorized. That book is rough to get through but to memorize it, I can not even believe it! I am really encouraged to study and memorize more of the book that changed my life.

After a wonderful time learning from David Platt, Roger and I sat under the teaching of our pastor Scott Lehr who spoke on the same exact thing! Not so much the will of God but the great commission. Our church has encouraged us to reach 10 people over the next 10 years. People who we will love, be intentional with, and pray for. People we may help lead to Christ or just softened their hearts for someone else to led them to Christ. I love that our local church is teaching us the important of missions. I love that God has used two Godly men to show us the same message. It is really stirring up someone in my heart. I pray that I am intentional with those I come across that my eyes are more open to the world around me.

So that's what is rolling around in my head as I enjoy this Sunday evening. I am looking forward to seeing what God will show me next and how my life will change.

How He Loves Me

There are times in your life that you just need to be reminded that God loves you. He really does love you and care for you. I was reminded of that today in church, almost brought to tears remembering what He has done for me and how much He has given me.

He is the God of my life, He has his hands in everything I do. He is constantly watching out for me. Why I run the other direction is beyond me, I am blessed beyond words to be loved by a God who truly loves me unconditionally.

I needed that reminder today, I needed church today and that's just what I got. A wonderful Sunday full of praise and remembering how much God truly does love me.

My Biggest Lesson

God has been teaching me one lesson in the past few months: Forgiveness.

I wish I didn't have to learn this lesson. I hate it. I really hate it. 

I have learned some valuable truths about Forgiveness.

1- It's hard very hard. 
2- It requires a supernatural power from God. 
3- The prisoner it frees, is you. 

I want to write and write about this topic but I do not feel like I am able. I do not have the words to describe how the God has changed my life because of this. What I do know is that if I do not forgive I am a hypocrite and a liar in my faith. I know that the world knows me by how I forgive. I know that God has forgiven me beyond what I ever deserve and if I claim to by follower of Him, I should forgive the way he has forgiven me.

I will leave you with a new song from Matthew West called "Forgiveness" He was inspired by a woman who forgave a man who killed her daughter while he was driving under the influence.