.Renewed.

There is something about waking up to sunshine that makes this girl's heart very happy. I cannot express how I am feeling today. Here are a few words that come to mind...

Blessed
Forgiven
Renewed
Loved
Cherished
Refreshed
Amazed

I wish I could tell you why I was feeling this way but I cannot. I feel as if God just washed my worries away and has refreshed me from head to toe.

Don't you love when you feel like this? You just cannot explain it but you know it is the Holy Spirit working in your life. Mmm, yes that is me this morning.

.Clean from head to toe.

Today is a Monday and if Binghamton University hadn't declared it a "traveling day" I would be stuck in the classroom learning about audit procedures or business level  functions. However, I have been blessed with the day off! Yay!!

So what do you think this girl did on her day off? She cleaned. Not only did was I able to clean my room and my car, I also was able to update many of my devices. My Ipod. Blackberry, GPS, and computer needed some attention and they finally got the attention they deserved.

With all of this free time spent cleaning, I decided to do a spiritual cleanse as well. I have been devouring the book of Galatians. It just fills my heart in ways that I cannot begin to explain. I feel like every time I read, I am seeing something for the very first time. Today I read Galatians 6 and I want to share two different points that stuck out to me.

1- Galatians 6:7 says, " Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that he will also reap." So what's so great about this verse? I have been deceived, I have been thinking to myself that I can hide my sins from Jesus. In my mind, I have secret sins that no one knows about. Normally, it's my rotten attitude buried beneath my fake smiles, but it doesn't matter. God knows. What I am sowing, I am reaping. my bad attitude comes out when I least expect it. God is not mocked. How have I been able to live like this for so long? Who taught me that I would be able to hide things from my all-knowing Savior? Phew! Glad I figured that one out... probably for the umteenth time...

2- Galatians 6:9-10 says, "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith."  Now the first part of the verse, I have heard a thousand times, it is the second part of the verse that really struck me today. As I have opportunity, I should be doing good. However, as I have the opportunity, I should be doing good to my brothers and sisters in Christ. So when do I not have opportunity? Uh never! There is always something to be done, always someone to encourage. I am the girl who smiles at people when they walk by. However, what about those who are closest to me. How have I encouraged them lately? I haven't and I am sorry for that. God has done a great work in me and I should be happy to pass that onto someone else or at least do good to them.

So that's it folks. Maybe those things hit you like they hit me, maybe not. Either way I think today I have some spring in my step and an awful clean room and heart! {Huge Smile}

.Blogging from California.

Blogging while on vacation? You bet! Blogging is something I rarely get to do when I am at home. I am sure you can tell from my posts which are few and far. But this morning seems like the perfect morning to blog.

It is 12:38PM in New York while it is only 9:38AM here. My brother and sister-in-law are still sleeping soundly after a late night. My body however, is on NY time. I was up around 8 and I felt extremely rested. I haven't slept this good in such a long time. I decided to spend some extra time in bed and finish a book. It felt so great to read a book in under a week. It was for me and not because I had to read it for school.

Today is going to be another relaxing day. We don't have a lot planned but that is okay with me. We may go to a movie or shop a little but sitting around and doing nothing sounds like a perfect vacation. Tomorrow, we are going to an amusement park which will be a blast. I fly home Wednesday and then start my busy life on Thursday.

I am looking forward to seeing Roger and being home. I am not looking forward to leaving these warm and sunny temperatures. I shouldn't complain- Roger and I leave for Cabo, Mexico in about 6 weeks!

Ahh vacation!!

Countdown Continues

It is almost time for so many exciting things in my life. I thought I would share with everyone what will be going on the next couple of months.

On Thursday I leave for California to see my brother, Nathan and his wife, Lorin. I am so excited and am so blessed to be able to go on this vacation. I love my brothers dearly and being able to spend some time with them before I get married is just fabulous.

In 5 weeks, I will be finishing my undergraduate degree in Accounting from Binghamton University. It has been a long time coming and I can finally see the finish line. I am sure that I will go on and get my Master's but I will be taking a much needed break before I start schooling again. I am hoping to find an Accounting job in North Carolina when we move and to start working a normal 9-5 job.

In 6 weeks, I will be getting married to the love of my life. I am so excited to finally start this chapter of our lives together. It also  has been a long time coming. We have been together for 3 and a half years. We know this is the right step for us and we cannot wait to take the journey of life together. There are many details to be finished and last minute projects that will occupy our time, but in the end it will be worth it! Right after our wedding we will honeymoon in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. It has always been a dream of mine to go to Mexico and I can't believe that I will be able to travel with someone so wonderful.

After our honeymoon, we will return to NY for 6 weeks and stay at my Mom's apartment. She has generously offered to stay somewhere else for the 6 weeks and let us have her apartment rent free. Plus it will be completely furnished! We are so blessed by my mom and her boyfriend. I spent many hours worrying about our living situation while we were still in NY but He has taken care of it. Why do I ever worry? :)

So why are we staying for 6 weeks? Well my best friend, Shannon is marrying the love of her life on July 15 and I am in the wedding. I want to be able to help her with whatever she needs so we decided moving to North Carolina could wait. After her and John get married, we will be joining them in Raleigh, North Carolina. We have found an apartment within minutes of John and Shannon and we are eagerly waiting to be hear back from them. From there Roger will be going to school at North Carolina State and I will be {hopefully} finding a job to provide for the family.

We are really looking forward to these next couple of months. They bring a lot of excitement and joy but at the same time nervousness. Roger and I are certain this is what God wants us to do and we cannot be more excited to see how it all plays out.

It's the most wonderful time of year... for us anyways :)

.Far from my mind.

I get it all the time...

"How are the wedding plans coming?"

I answer. "Oh they are good. We just ordered flowers, sent out our invitations, and are plugging away."

It is true. We did order flowers. We are plugging away at the details. But wedding plans are not really on my mind... dare I say it?

I am graduating Business School in May. (One week before the wedding). I have a thousand projects to do. Not little projects, big massive, group presentation projects. They  keep me busy beyond belief.

I am also leaving my job of 6 years. Not for any bad reason but because Roger and I are moving to North Carolina. However, since I am leaving, I have to find someone to replace me. I have to prep the Y for the whole summer to make sure they would be fine if we cannot find anyone. This requires scheduling upon scheduling upon scheduling. It is a lot of work and stress.

Since we are moving, we are also dealing with all of "that" stuff. You know, finding an apartment, applying, moving down their, expenses, and of course, getting a job in North Carolina in Accounting. This is the kind of stress that I enjoy but at the same time it is still stress.

Then there are some very personal issues going on in my family. These things I am not at liberty to talk about but they have shaken me and my other loved ones. These problems are the type of problems that I lose sleep over, almost every night. These are the problems that can instantly make me throw up because I am so worried. These are the problems that haunt me as I enter into the marriage covenant with Roger. These problems are the stress that I never wanted to deal with but have been forced to face them.

As you can see, wedding plans are far from my mind. Sometimes, I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there until the world is safe again. I want to forget wedding plans, jobs, moving, and personal problems. I mean don't we all?

I'll keep pushing forward, looking to Him for help, strength, and guidance. After all, once this chapter closes in my life, I am going to miss it? Right?

.5% of God's Heart.

I am still working my way through David Platt's book Radical. It is simply, eye opening. When I was reading through chapter 4 the other day I came across something that I need to share. At first, I wasn't sure that writing about this was a good idea because I am going to step on some toes but then again when did Jesus beat around the bush to make His point?

We have heard it said many times in our Christian circles, " I have a heart for the United States." "My heart is here in the US while others are called to serve else where, I am set here." "How can I help the rest of the world when there are starving, dying, sinners here in my very town?"

All great statements. I am not going to advocate that there should be no ministry within the US. I am not going to say that people shouldn't adopt from the US or help the needy here in our very towns. I am just going to share with you something from this book. Take it as you may, for me and my life it is continuing to change me.

"Others may say God has given me a heart for US. These statements sound spiritual, but when we prove deeper, they seem more like smoke screens. They are smoke screens because most of us really are not very concerned about the needs right around us. Most Christians rarely share the gospel and most Christian's schedules are not heavily weighted to feed the hungry, helping the sick, and strengthening the church in the neediest places in our country. But even if we were doing these things, we would still be overlooking a foundational biblical truth when we say our hearts are for the US. As we have seen all over  Scripture, God's heart is for the world. So when we say we have a heart for the US, we are admitting that we have a meager 5% of God's heart and WE ARE PROUD OF IT. When we say we have a heart for the city we live in, we confess that we have less than 1% of God's heart!"

I do not know about you but I never want to only have 5% of God's heart.  We say all the time that we want what God wants but we really don't. We want what we want within our safe circles. It is disgusting. I am ashamed. I am not even sure what the next step is here. I think the first step is being completely aware of this concept and making a conscious effort to change.

Lord~ I am now aware, help me to change. Do not let me go back to the way I was.

.Let God Worry.

The cursor blinking in front of me seems to be making fun of me.

I have come to this blank page so many times and have left knowing that I did not know what to share.

In my life, I am at a changing point. I am completely sure of it. I am faced at the cross roads, which way to go, what will happen? I am graduating in May and then a short week later getting married. Both of those things sit very well with me. I have planned them and have come to accept them in the most wonderful of ways. In July though, I have not accepted that yet. Roger and I have decided to move. We will be moving to Raleigh, North Carolina to pursue Roger a degree at a better school. He will be attending North Carolina State University. We will be within minutes of my best friend, Shannon and her sweet soon-to-be husband, John. We are beyond excited to move. Well part of me is.

There will be no sense of home there, only the home that Roger and I create, together. This is where I lose sleep at night. What kind of housing and lifestyle we live depends on what kind of job I get. We will no doubt, be living in a huge apartment complex with a pool in the backyard and a complete workout center within walking distance, but is it what we really want? I struggle with this because I am at a cross roads in my life. My eyes have been opened to the truth of those suffering all over the world and yet I am trying to get enough money so I can have a washer and drier inside of my apartment. I feel selfish and materialistic.

I think of my sweet sponsored child, Glory. She lives half way across the world in a mud hut and seems completely happy with her life because she does not know "what she is missing." Is she missing anything? Am I the one missing something? I know that God has placed me into this life with these privileges but I am not naive enough to think that I desire more "things" than God does. I am trying to find the balance of being excited to get a new home and fill it with "our stuff" and yet still be grounded where we realize that we do not need these things.

I do not want know where to go with this post, which is why I probably have written it several times. I only pray that my Father will help me and my love to discern these things. I pray the He is able to help us realize what is truly important. There are so many things that I am bringing before my God because my heart is breaking. I pray that in His time He will answer my questions and allow me rest.

I drove by a church the other day and their sign said, "Pray and let God do the worrying..."

That's what I will do.