Bullet Points

I cannot gather my thoughts to make a simple paragraph to put on my blog. I want to write and then as soon as I do, I hit the delete button because it just doesn't make sense. 

• I am struggling with anxiety
• I cannot sleep at night and when I do sleep, I cannot stay asleep
• I am a perfectionist and it is killing me
• I cannot sit in my living room without thinking I must have something to do
• I worry about the dumbest things at work 
• I am blessed 
• I miss the fall colors and home
• God is preparing me for things that I cannot figure out 
• I feel disconnected from my family
• I need a girl's day
• I need to pick up a good book and actually read it
• I am missing my nephew's 1st birthday and it is killing me
• I am struggling with the reason why we are here and they are there
• I do not feel like I am doing enough for God's kingdom
• I feel defeated and it is 100% Satan

I know that this burden that I am carrying is something that Satan has placed on me. I know I am being tested and that it is during these times that I show my true colors. I need a few hours in the middle of my woods with my Bible and my journal. (Okay not the woods but somewhere peaceful) 

I pray that this week I feel God around me. I pray that God will reveal himself to me. I know God doesn't have to do anything for me and that He never leaves me it is I who leaves Him. Somehow just writing these words down, I feel better. I know God stirs in my heart and is changing me and I welcome that whole-heartedly. I just pray that tonight I sleep and sleep well and if I do not sleep that I spend some time with Christ praying. 

He is the only way for me. I know that.