Monday, September 15, 2014
Breaking the Cycle
The cursor on this blog page mocks me as I try to sort through my thoughts tonight.
Sometimes, I just need to write and get it out there. Sometimes when I write I realize how absolutely ridiculous I sound and sometimes when I write I find truth that has been buried in the layers of my heart.
My mind has been busy and has not given me the rest I crave. I have been fighting the schemes of the devil again, doing it alone and failing miserably. I have been trying to resist him and his crafty ways, only to be caught up in his web of lies.
I have not fought the devil rather I have been deceiving myself into thinking I am.
I open the Word tonight and read out of 1 John 3:8 "Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil."
Me? Sinning? Sinning with the devil?! Say it isn't so!
You mean the past weeks where I have complained almost in every breathe about everything under the sun? Where I literally broke into tears over the fact that I had to go somewhere to support my husband? Me? Sin? As I sat on my love seat this past weekend purposely avoiding my husband because he didn't love me the way I wanted to? Me? The girl who controls every.single.situation? Whose hands get sweaty when things don't go my way? Oh gosh not me! I am the one who posts Christian things on Facebook and I am the one who has been listening to David Platt at work. I am the one who says everything is great, always great, always strong, never alone, never letting my guard down.
Not me. Certainly not me. Nope.
Fail.
And here I sit reading the verse above with the answer in hand. "The reason the Son of God appears was to destroy the works of the devil." And yet, I also sit here alone, scheming some way that I can control my life situations so I don't have to involve Jesus, sure keep Him in my mind and reference Him when I need to but not have control. I mean He came to destroy the works of the Devil, how am I involved in that?
And then a few verses over 1 John 4: 13 " By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us the Spirit."
Jesus in me? The same Jesus that has come to destroy the devil mentioned before? He abides in me and I in Him?
He abides in me and I in Him.
He abides in me and I in Him.
What freedom is in that simple saying! My soul comes alive and my heart jumps as I recall all that He has done for me, all that He has given me, all that the Word promises that He has done for me and will do for me.
He is my comforter, He battles for me, He overcame death, He makes my heart new, He gives me breathe every morning, He knows my inner thoughts. He is good. He is great. He is the one the choirmaster in Psalms says "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand days elsewhere." He is the one that has pulled me out of situations that are too hard for me to face. He is love and He loves me and has chosen me. He gave me the gift of eternity.
He abides in me and I in Him.
Everything else seems trivial when I recount His worthiness.
A time of change has come for me. I am done with the days where my heart is full of anxiety, fear, and complaints. The Word of God is good and does great things for my soul and it's time to break the cycle these past few weeks and change. It's time to spend lunch hours reading the Bible with a close friend, a time for meaningful prayer, a time to dive into the Word and stop letting people spoon feed it to me, a time to read books that challenge me, a time to ask the hard questions and to look on my Savior as my one true fulfillment.
A time of change.
And yes, I will need to be reminded of this probably as soon as I shut this computer but that's what community is for. We need each other and we need Jesus. Break the cycle with me? Enough is enough.
He abides in me and I in Him.
What a powerful statement.
What a powerful God.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Disasters and Promises.
The title of the sermon today was "Dealing with Disaster," and it's a good thing I have never had to deal with anything like that (insert sarcasm.) Actually, I sat there very uncomfortable thinking that I was going to hear a 10 point message about how to deal with my disaster. to move past whatever stuff was going on in my life, and be everyone's best friend...I did not want to hear it. Obviously Jesus had other plans because as I sat there singing the closing song, I had tears streaming down my face so thankful for the message. I walked away extremely comforted and loved by the words that my Pastor shared.
Life is hard. People are hard. People hurt and life hurts sometimes. We as Christians are actually promised that "in this world we will have trouble..." but the good news is that Christ has overcome the world. John 16:33 And that is what hit me today. The God that parted the Red Sea is the God that walks with my through the valley and not any valley but my valley, that's powerful guys. In the midst of any difficult situation God still has a plan and He can still redeem any situation. God's fighting here for me, even today, and He is active in my life.
The problem for me at least is where do I put my hope? When hardship arise what do I run to? 10 times out of 10 I put my hope in myself, another person, or I just don't deal with it and hope it goes away which never works out for me. This is why I am comforted today because in the midst of crazy, God is there because He has never left me. God will deliver. God will redeem. God will come through and I needed to be reminded of that today.
And if that's what you need to be reminded of today, let me share some verses that I cling to when disaster is at my doorstep...
Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 119:76
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.
Isaiah 49:13
Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
Lamentations 3:25
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
Life is hard. People are hard. People hurt and life hurts sometimes. We as Christians are actually promised that "in this world we will have trouble..." but the good news is that Christ has overcome the world. John 16:33 And that is what hit me today. The God that parted the Red Sea is the God that walks with my through the valley and not any valley but my valley, that's powerful guys. In the midst of any difficult situation God still has a plan and He can still redeem any situation. God's fighting here for me, even today, and He is active in my life.
The problem for me at least is where do I put my hope? When hardship arise what do I run to? 10 times out of 10 I put my hope in myself, another person, or I just don't deal with it and hope it goes away which never works out for me. This is why I am comforted today because in the midst of crazy, God is there because He has never left me. God will deliver. God will redeem. God will come through and I needed to be reminded of that today.
And if that's what you need to be reminded of today, let me share some verses that I cling to when disaster is at my doorstep...
Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 119:76
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.
Isaiah 49:13
Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
Lamentations 3:25
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Is Jesus Enough?
Is Jesus enough?
This question has been haunting me the past 24 hours and I wish it would stop. (Since I am being honest...)
Will Jesus be enough for me if...
... relationships are never fixed even though I desperately want them to be
... my husband doesn't leave me a sweet note when I am having a bad day
... we never get out of debt
... if people talk about me behind my back
... if God takes everyone I love away from me
... if work is hard
... if marriage/life is hard
... if I lose my best friend
... if I have to do another load of laundry
... if God asks something hard of me
... if fill in the blank
These are all things that have been running through my mind. Of course I want to say that Jesus is enough for me, who doesn't want to get the sunday school answer correct but what does my life say about that question?
My life says that daily I battle with worldly desires, temptations, quick meaningless whatevers so that I can experience short-term satisfaction and claim to be happy. My life says that I claim Jesus is enough but I don't live it. My life says that Jesus is enough PLUS this over here on the side...
Of course, thank goodness, there is grace so much grace, but when will the time come that my life matches what I say? I can keep living this watered- down, don't hold me accountable for anything, comfortable Christian life but when do I take sin seriously and when I do really start believing that Jesus is enough for me? And more importantly when does my life show that I believe Jesus is enough for me?
Tough question, even tougher when I am really real with myself.
I leave you with a verse that I found encouraging today...
"For You are my rock and my fortress; and for Your name's sake, You lead me and guide me, You take me out of the net they have hidden for me, for You are my refuge. Into your hand I commit my spirit and You have redeemed me O Lord, faithful God." Psalm 31: 3-5
This question has been haunting me the past 24 hours and I wish it would stop. (Since I am being honest...)
Will Jesus be enough for me if...
... relationships are never fixed even though I desperately want them to be
... my husband doesn't leave me a sweet note when I am having a bad day
... we never get out of debt
... if people talk about me behind my back
... if God takes everyone I love away from me
... if work is hard
... if marriage/life is hard
... if I lose my best friend
... if I have to do another load of laundry
... if God asks something hard of me
... if fill in the blank
These are all things that have been running through my mind. Of course I want to say that Jesus is enough for me, who doesn't want to get the sunday school answer correct but what does my life say about that question?
My life says that daily I battle with worldly desires, temptations, quick meaningless whatevers so that I can experience short-term satisfaction and claim to be happy. My life says that I claim Jesus is enough but I don't live it. My life says that Jesus is enough PLUS this over here on the side...
Of course, thank goodness, there is grace so much grace, but when will the time come that my life matches what I say? I can keep living this watered- down, don't hold me accountable for anything, comfortable Christian life but when do I take sin seriously and when I do really start believing that Jesus is enough for me? And more importantly when does my life show that I believe Jesus is enough for me?
Tough question, even tougher when I am really real with myself.
I leave you with a verse that I found encouraging today...
"For You are my rock and my fortress; and for Your name's sake, You lead me and guide me, You take me out of the net they have hidden for me, for You are my refuge. Into your hand I commit my spirit and You have redeemed me O Lord, faithful God." Psalm 31: 3-5
Monday, April 7, 2014
How do I?
"The single greatest cause of Atheism today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and deny Him by their lifestyle."
This idea of praising Jesus with my mouth and then denying him with my lifestyle has been breaking my heart for weeks now. I have read several books on how we are supposed to be different as Christians, I have listened to countless messages on this issue and I watched a movie tonight that questions Christianity in America and how following Jesus is actually supposed to look.
It's hard stuff guys and I am not sure I can even process it, let alone try to explain it here on my blog.
It wrecks me to know that how I live my life could potentially either lead someone to Christ or make them completely turn the other way. (I am not taking ANYTHING away from the Holy Spirit here...)
So how am I different? How does my life look different than that of the unbeliever next to me? If you asked me co-worker if I was a Christian would they know? Or would they just say I am a nice girl? In my heart I want to say yes of course they know I am a Christian, I don't swear, I don't party, I go to church, I live a simple life but so what... so do the Amish people and they may not be Christians... I mean seriously how does my life look different?
And this is where I am stuck and not stuck like someone should message me and say oh you are a good person, if you say you love God then people will know... blah blah blah I am done with this luke warm Christianity non sense that my world seems to be stuck on. (Sorry that may be harsh...)
No the question is how do I do it differently, I mean every aspect of my life differently? How do I allow Christ to flood my thoughts so that everything truly is different?
How do I love Roger?
How do I maintain a home?
How do I take care of my body?
How do I present myself? Do I care about how i look, what I wear, and what size i am in? (Not saying do not take care of yourself...)
How do I react to my family situations when I would rather pretend they are not there?
How do I react to a stupid co-worker who just doesn't get it?
How do I react to my boss changing my plans?
How do I do church?
How do I worship?
How do I do community?
Where does my money go?
Where does my time go?
And you know that this list could go on and on but when will I start to take this Jesus stuff serious? He died for me and I give Him half of me (gosh half is generous...) what is up with that? Why don't I try harder? And I should add in here that I DO NOT think that "acting" like I am different and "doing" the right things makes me a Christ follower or better than you. I can quickly become legalistic and I am not trying to create a check list for my Christian walk.
I am talking about true heart change. The kind of heart change where I really see people for how Christ sees them because Lord knows I am a mess up and He saved me. The kind of heart change that honestly, most days I don't want, I am comfortable and okay right where I am. This kind of heart change does crazy to people and I don't want crazy. I want okay but Jesus never promised me that so why do I chase after the okay life?
Gosh, more questions than answers but it is clear to me that Jesus is stirring something up in my heart. I know that probably before I go to bed, I will fall but Jesus has saved me and His grace and mercies are new each day.
I would like to apologize if this post doesn't sit well with you but the truth is I can't because maybe there is a reason you aren't a fan of reading it, who knows. Writing helps me process and I needed this space to write. Also I should apologize because tonight I wrote like I would talk and if it doesn't flow well then welcome to my world :) :)
Until we meet again cyber world!
This idea of praising Jesus with my mouth and then denying him with my lifestyle has been breaking my heart for weeks now. I have read several books on how we are supposed to be different as Christians, I have listened to countless messages on this issue and I watched a movie tonight that questions Christianity in America and how following Jesus is actually supposed to look.
It's hard stuff guys and I am not sure I can even process it, let alone try to explain it here on my blog.
It wrecks me to know that how I live my life could potentially either lead someone to Christ or make them completely turn the other way. (I am not taking ANYTHING away from the Holy Spirit here...)
So how am I different? How does my life look different than that of the unbeliever next to me? If you asked me co-worker if I was a Christian would they know? Or would they just say I am a nice girl? In my heart I want to say yes of course they know I am a Christian, I don't swear, I don't party, I go to church, I live a simple life but so what... so do the Amish people and they may not be Christians... I mean seriously how does my life look different?
And this is where I am stuck and not stuck like someone should message me and say oh you are a good person, if you say you love God then people will know... blah blah blah I am done with this luke warm Christianity non sense that my world seems to be stuck on. (Sorry that may be harsh...)
No the question is how do I do it differently, I mean every aspect of my life differently? How do I allow Christ to flood my thoughts so that everything truly is different?
How do I love Roger?
How do I maintain a home?
How do I take care of my body?
How do I present myself? Do I care about how i look, what I wear, and what size i am in? (Not saying do not take care of yourself...)
How do I react to my family situations when I would rather pretend they are not there?
How do I react to a stupid co-worker who just doesn't get it?
How do I react to my boss changing my plans?
How do I do church?
How do I worship?
How do I do community?
Where does my money go?
Where does my time go?
And you know that this list could go on and on but when will I start to take this Jesus stuff serious? He died for me and I give Him half of me (gosh half is generous...) what is up with that? Why don't I try harder? And I should add in here that I DO NOT think that "acting" like I am different and "doing" the right things makes me a Christ follower or better than you. I can quickly become legalistic and I am not trying to create a check list for my Christian walk.
I am talking about true heart change. The kind of heart change where I really see people for how Christ sees them because Lord knows I am a mess up and He saved me. The kind of heart change that honestly, most days I don't want, I am comfortable and okay right where I am. This kind of heart change does crazy to people and I don't want crazy. I want okay but Jesus never promised me that so why do I chase after the okay life?
Gosh, more questions than answers but it is clear to me that Jesus is stirring something up in my heart. I know that probably before I go to bed, I will fall but Jesus has saved me and His grace and mercies are new each day.
I would like to apologize if this post doesn't sit well with you but the truth is I can't because maybe there is a reason you aren't a fan of reading it, who knows. Writing helps me process and I needed this space to write. Also I should apologize because tonight I wrote like I would talk and if it doesn't flow well then welcome to my world :) :)
Until we meet again cyber world!
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